Re-printed without permission because of all discussion groups it should
have been in .asa first. No extra charge.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous....................................Sle pt with everyone
Athletic.......................................... No tits
Average looking..............................Ugly
Beautiful.......................................Pa thological liar
Contagious Smile............................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure..........................On medication
Feminist........................................Fa t
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..............................Former slut
Fun.............................................An noying
New-Age......................................Body hair in the wrong
places
Old-fashioned................................No BJs
Open-minded................................Desperate
Outgoing.....................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...................................Slopp y drunk
Professional..................................Bitc h
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..........................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay