The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked
to supply alternate meanings for various words. Here are some recent
winners:


1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.


2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.


3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent


6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.


7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.


8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.


9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.


10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.


11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.


12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.


13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.


14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.


15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up
on the roof and gets stuck there.


16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist