Suzzane and I cruised over to Great Neck for a lunch. We got there, shut the
motor down and began preparing a gourmet lunch, for a gourmand such as
myself, when suddenly the fog rolled in. It was as thick as pea soup, we
couldn't see the bow. WE WERE TRULY OUT OF SIGHT OF LAND!! This was going to
be no picnic getting back as we couldn't see and the radar didn't work well
with all the local clutter. IT WAS OFFSHORE CONDITIONS ONLY WORSE, as the
traffic and potential for collision was much higher than the open ocean.
We turned on the motor and began to pick our way back home. We had to
carefully weave in and out of moored boats, mooring bouys and even navigate
through the eddies set up by the small docks in people's waterfront
properties. Several times dogs ran to the water's edge to bark at us.
Repeatedly, the keel kicked up bottom muck, we could smell it and see it in
the wake. At one point we even got sprayed by a lawn sprinkler in someone's
backyard! But never the less, we continued on.
Wearing my life jacket I went to the potty, leaving Suzzane at the helm.
Forgetting to remove it, I became hopelessly lodged in the head as I
couldn't fit back out the door. I called to Suzzane, but she couldn't help
as the boat needed a pilot, it was underway.
I told her to call the Coast Guard for an extraction, but she refused. "We
must push on" she said. Then I thought I heard the sail unfurl, after which
the motor was cut! We were sailing in fog with 11 knots of wind! "What are
you doing Suzzane!?" I cried. I could no longer here the typical shore
noises, we must be out in the middle of the sound! "Suppose the boat got
rammed, I'd go down with it", I thought.
After a while, I heard the shore sounds again. I could see the breakwater
and it was familiar. Back home! Just from the excitement I managed to break
out of the head. I scrambled to the deck as Suzzane pulled down the sail and
let the boat drift into the pier. I grabbed the wheel and guided her the
last few feet. A perfect docking!
However, the people at the dock were laughing and pointing at me. I thought
they were mocking my great sailings. Much to my chagrin, there was toilet
paper still stuck to my crack and unfurling from its spool back in the head!
That's what they were laughing at!
Because of the fog, the didn't see who piloted the boat under sail all the
way in. But Suzzane, who is a good wife, remained silent and let all the
credit fall to the one who deserves it mot -ME!!

Your captain and offshore sailor extraordinaire,

RB