November 2, 2011
A Letter from Bank of America
An Apology to Our Customers

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – The following letter was sent today by
Bank of America to all of its debit card customers:

Dear Valued Customer:

As most of you probably know by now, last month we instituted a $5
monthly fee for all of our debit card users. To say that what followed
this decision was a ****storm would be a massive understatement.

Considering that just three years earlier taxpayers had bailed us out
with billions of their hard-earned dollars, it’s understandable that
Bank of America was compared to a person who, as he is pulled from a
burning building, turns and kicks the fireman in the nuts.

That’s why we are writing to you today with a simple message: “Our bad.”
And to tell you that we are refunding the $5 to you, effective
immediately. All you have to do is pay a simple, one-time $10 refund fee.

You can receive your refund online, or pick it up at your nearest Bank
of America branch, where a teller will hand the money directly to you
for a simple, one-time $15 handling fee.

If you do visit your branch, feel free to use any of our services,
including our state of the art ballpoint pens and deposit slips.
(Prices on request.)

Again, accept our apologies for instituting the debit card fee. We have
learned our lesson, and we make this solemn promise: next time we
squeeze money from you, we'll do it in a way you won’t notice.

Sincerely,

Bank of America


(From Andy b.)