You might be a Taliban if...

12. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.

11. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can't afford shoes.

10. You have more wives than teeth.

9. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
"unclean."

8. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

7. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

6. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives
in your clothing.

5. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.

4. You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your
cave."

3. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at
least one.

2. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

And the Number 1 reason you might be a Taliban:

1. If you've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.