Kansas Prarie Chicken:

1) Capture a Prarie Chicken. More easily said than done. Used to
running for its life on those stubby little legs, lives in mortal fear
of being "caught" and darts around so quickly and pointlessly it
appears to be in 2-3 positions at once.

2) Dispatch Prarie Chicken with a sharp axe. Don't be surprised if the
dead body continues to run around brainlessly for a while after the
decapitation, or if the severed head appears to be attempting to
sqwuak. The brain of the Prarie Chicken gets so little use that it's
really the bleeding out through the neck, vs the removal of the brain,
that actually kills the bird.

3) Gut Prarie Chicken. This doesn't take long, as the Prarie Chicken
doesn't have many guts.

4) Pluck Prarie Chicken. Don't be disappointed to discover that
underneath all that proud and puffed-up plumage there really isn't a
whole lot of actual bird. Those Kansas Prarie Chickens
are built for show and go, but are relatively lacking in substance.

5) Cook Prarie Chicken. Turn up the heat under this bird, and while it
will initially cook very slowly it eventually reaches a point where it
collapses into a quivering mound of meat.
Especially allow the bird to stew in its own juices. Roast, bake, or
broil but avoid *boiling* the bird at all costs- the Kansas Prarie
Chicken is averse to water. Should you use any water at all, be sure
that it is completely unsalted.

6) Serve appropriately. Open back door, whistle, and call "Here, Spot!
C' mere boy! I got something you'll enjoy, just waiting for you in your
dish."