Uh oh. My son's gonna be crushed. :-( Oh well. Here's mo

"My wife thinks sex should always have a purpose. Yesterday, she used me to
time an egg!"

"It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button
fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to
go to the bathroom!"

"Yesterday, my tie caught fire and some guy tried to put it out with an
axe!"

"I went to a freak show once, and they let me in for free!"

"I went to a massage parlor once. They took one look at me and told me it
was self-service!"

"Whenever my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me."

"I came home early from work one day. I saw a guy jogging naked down my
street. I asked him, 'How come you're jogging naked?' He said, 'Because
you came home early!'"

"I could tell my parents hated me. The first bath toy they gave me was a
toaster!"

"My mother never breast fed me. She said she only liked me as a
friend.""It's tough staying married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips,
but she won't drink out of my glass!"