Yes, boy have I been dumb! But, I figured it out . . .

Lady Sailor is fat because she's pregnant. As soon
as Schoonertrash found out, like a good sailor, he
skipped town because he knew he wasn't even IN
TOWN when the Lady became pregnant. So, Lady
Sailor cabbaged onto Fulmoron and got him drunk and
married so her little one (*******) would have a secure
home.

Mike, I sure hope you have lots of money to share.

Trash - you are a real sailor!

Bwwwahahahahahahhahahahaha!