'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was ****ed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those IRS idiots sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits.
They want the impossible--those mean little ****s.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls...their arms, legs and heads.
I made tons of yo-yo's--no requests for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees,
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's No Christmas this year and now you know the reason,
A blonde and a boat, I'm going SOUTH for the season!

--
John H