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#1
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." -- John H. "Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it." Rene Descartes |
#2
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote: A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." I don't get it. Guerillas don't wear ties. Get it now? :- |
#3
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 01:17:14 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote: A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." I don't get it. Guerillas don't wear ties. Get it now? :- Guerillas or Gorillas? Does it matter? Monkey suits include bowties, not neckties, right? ;-) |
#4
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message ... On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote: A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." I don't get it. Guerillas don't wear ties. Get it now? :- Guerillas or Gorillas? He said GO rillas not Guer illlas. There's a big difference. (Captain Ron) |
#5
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 11:28:15 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote: On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 03:12:00 GMT, Jack Goff wrote: On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 01:17:14 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote: A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." I don't get it. Guerillas don't wear ties. Get it now? :- Guerillas or Gorillas? Does it matter? Monkey suits include bowties, not neckties, right? ;-) Ah - it's all clear - as mud. I've always felt that the true test of a good joke is if it will translate effectively by just changing a couple of elements. For example - a joke from 1967. What is the Arab battle cry? WE SURRENDER!!! During the '67 Israeli/Arab war, Israel kicked some major Arab butt and ended up interning thousands of Arab military types who surrendered thus the base of the joke. In fact, this joke resurfaced during the first Gulf incursion and was relatively apt at the time, but it still only had a single target. If we take that joke and translate it to today, it doesn't really work because it only refers to the French and they just don't have a sense of humor. :) Jokes can cross time lines and be funny anytime, anywhere. For example: A police officer responds to a call to a boat ramp for a pickup truck in the water. When he arrives, he notices a blond standing up to her knees in the bed of the pickup truck. He asked the blonde why she didn't get out of the truck and the blond replies "I can't figure out how to work the tailgate from the inside." BA DA BOOM - Cymbal crash. Now that's a funny joke. With respect to the Friday Humor joke, it just isn't that funny because it relies on too many elements to make it work properly. The ethnic components are too strong on one side and too weak on the other to make it a good joke. Here's an example of what I mean. Q. How do you brainwash a Frenchman? A. Fill his boots with water. Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still funny. Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian? A. Fill his boots with water. See what I mean? Q. How do you brainwash DSK? A. Fill his boots with water. It works all the time. :) I'd best not receive a bill for this humor analysis! -- John H. "Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it." Rene Descartes |
#6
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
Shortwave Sportfishing wrote:
snip.. Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still funny. Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian? A. Fill his boots with water. See what I mean? Q. How do you brainwash DSK? A. Fill his boots with water. It works all the time. :) What? What's funny about dat? |
#7
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
... On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote: A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have any water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water, for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your ties!!!" "OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom." Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie." I don't get it. I doubt it. |
#8
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White
wrote: Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: snip.. Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still funny. Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian? A. Fill his boots with water. See what I mean? Q. How do you brainwash DSK? A. Fill his boots with water. It works all the time. :) What? What's funny about dat? Your boots must be wet. :-) |
#9
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
Jack Goff wrote:
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White wrote: Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: snip.. Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still funny. Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian? A. Fill his boots with water. See what I mean? Q. How do you brainwash DSK? A. Fill his boots with water. It works all the time. :) What? What's funny about dat? Your boots must be wet. :-) Was that 'a shot across my bow'? :-) |
#10
posted to rec.boats
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Friday humor!
"Don White" wrote in message ... Jack Goff wrote: On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White wrote: Shortwave Sportfishing wrote: snip.. Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still funny. Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian? A. Fill his boots with water. See what I mean? Q. How do you brainwash DSK? A. Fill his boots with water. It works all the time. :) What? What's funny about dat? Your boots must be wet. :-) Was that 'a shot across my bow'? :-) Maybe, but it was funny, |
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