Friday humor!
 

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"


"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."



--
John H.

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

Friday humor!
 

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

Guerillas don't wear ties.

Get it now? :-

Friday humor!
 

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 01:17:14 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

Guerillas don't wear ties.

Get it now? :-

Guerillas or Gorillas?

Does it matter? Monkey suits include bowties, not neckties, right?
;-)

Friday humor!
 

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

Guerillas don't wear ties.

Get it now? :-

Guerillas or Gorillas?

He said GO rillas not Guer illlas. There's a big difference. (Captain Ron)

Friday humor!
 

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 11:28:15 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 03:12:00 GMT, Jack Goff wrote:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 01:17:14 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said, "Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

Guerillas don't wear ties.

Get it now? :-

Guerillas or Gorillas?

Does it matter? Monkey suits include bowties, not neckties, right?
;-)

Ah - it's all clear - as mud.

I've always felt that the true test of a good joke is if it will
translate effectively by just changing a couple of elements.

For example - a joke from 1967.

What is the Arab battle cry?

WE SURRENDER!!!

During the '67 Israeli/Arab war, Israel kicked some major Arab butt
and ended up interning thousands of Arab military types who
surrendered thus the base of the joke. In fact, this joke resurfaced
during the first Gulf incursion and was relatively apt at the time,
but it still only had a single target.

If we take that joke and translate it to today, it doesn't really
work because it only refers to the French and they just don't have a
sense of humor. :)

Jokes can cross time lines and be funny anytime, anywhere.

For example:

A police officer responds to a call to a boat ramp for a pickup truck
in the water. When he arrives, he notices a blond standing up to her
knees in the bed of the pickup truck. He asked the blonde why she
didn't get out of the truck and the blond replies "I can't figure out
how to work the tailgate from the inside."

BA DA BOOM - Cymbal crash.

Now that's a funny joke.

With respect to the Friday Humor joke, it just isn't that funny
because it relies on too many elements to make it work properly. The
ethnic components are too strong on one side and too weak on the other
to make it a good joke.

Here's an example of what I mean.

Q. How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A. Fill his boots with water.

Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute
just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still
funny.

Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian?
A. Fill his boots with water.

See what I mean?

Q. How do you brainwash DSK?
A. Fill his boots with water.

It works all the time. :)

I'd best not receive a bill for this humor analysis!

--
John H.

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

Friday humor!
 

Shortwave Sportfishing wrote:
snip..
Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute
just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still
funny.

Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian?
A. Fill his boots with water.

See what I mean?

Q. How do you brainwash DSK?
A. Fill his boots with water.

It works all the time. :)


What? What's funny about dat?

Friday humor!
 

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you. If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

I doubt it.

Friday humor!
 

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White
wrote:

Shortwave Sportfishing wrote:
snip..
Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute
just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still
funny.

Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian?
A. Fill his boots with water.

See what I mean?

Q. How do you brainwash DSK?
A. Fill his boots with water.

It works all the time. :)


What? What's funny about dat?

Your boots must be wet. :-)

Friday humor!
 

Jack Goff wrote:
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White
wrote:


Shortwave Sportfishing wrote:
snip..

Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute
just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still
funny.

Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian?
A. Fill his boots with water.

See what I mean?

Q. How do you brainwash DSK?
A. Fill his boots with water.

It works all the time. :)


What? What's funny about dat?


Your boots must be wet. :-)

Was that 'a shot across my bow'? :-)

Friday humor!
 

"Don White" wrote in message
...
Jack Goff wrote:
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 13:00:21 GMT, Don White
wrote:


Shortwave Sportfishing wrote:
snip..

Now that works on a whole bunch of levels because you can substitute
just about any ethnic or national group to the joke and it's still
funny.

Q. How do you brainwash a Canadian?
A. Fill his boots with water.

See what I mean?

Q. How do you brainwash DSK?
A. Fill his boots with water.

It works all the time. :)


What? What's funny about dat?


Your boots must be wet. :-)

Was that 'a shot across my bow'? :-)

Maybe, but it was funny,

Friday humor!
 

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:31:01 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
. ..
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

I doubt it.

Doubt what?

I doubt that you didn't get the joke!

Friday humor!
 

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 20:58:21 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
. ..
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:31:01 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
m...
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a
little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews
should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find
water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am
more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help
you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water.
Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

I doubt it.

Doubt what?

I doubt that you didn't get the joke!

Um...I honestly didn't get it.

It wasn't funny.

Haven't you ever been to a restaurant where ties & jackets were required?
Maybe they're all gone now...I dunno. Some even had extra sport jackets for
guys who showed up without one. So the old guy's selling ties blah blah
blah...never mind. :)

Friday humor!
 

Well, I thought it was pretty funny. shrug

--Mike

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 06:58:06 GMT, "Bryan"
wrote:


"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
. ..
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 21:51:17 GMT, Jack Goff wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:47:25 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a
little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews
should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find
water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am
more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help
you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water.
Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

Guerillas don't wear ties.

Get it now? :-

Guerillas or Gorillas?

He said GO rillas not Guer illlas. There's a big difference. (Captain
Ron)

I still don't get it.

Friday humor!
 

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 21:00:38 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 20:58:21 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
. ..
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:31:01 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
m...
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie, you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water. Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

I doubt it.

Doubt what?

I doubt that you didn't get the joke!

Um...I honestly didn't get it.

It wasn't funny.

Ill logic.

Are you saying you didn't get it *because* it wasn't funny? (In which case
math problems must have been a bitch!)

Or, are you saying you didn't get it *and* it wasn't funny? (In which case
I'll try to provide explanations for punch lines.)

Or, are you just being your ornery self?
--
******************************************
***** Have a Spectacular Day! *****
******************************************

John

Friday humor!
 

Are you saying you didn't get it *because* it wasn't funny? (In which case
math problems must have been a bitch!)

Or, are you saying you didn't get it *and* it wasn't funny? (In which case
I'll try to provide explanations for punch lines.)


You forgot one...he may have not gotten it, *so* it wasn't funny. However to
follow Shortwave's logic, you could take out Al Qaida and Jew, and put
*anyone* in there, *I* still think it's funny. At least that what he says
makes a good joke. What do I know...I short sheet my son's bed. g.

Did ya hear the one when Gene Roddenberry was being interviewed by an Arab
leader....?

--Mike

"JohnH" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 21:00:38 GMT, Shortwave Sportfishing
wrote:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 20:58:21 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:31:01 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
wrote:

"Shortwave Sportfishing" wrote in message
om...
On Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:22:55 -0400, JohnH
wrote:

A fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding
through
The
Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a
little
Old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked,
"Do
you
have any water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie?
They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew!! Israel should not exist! You Jews
should
be
demolished, gone forever. I do not need a stupid, overpriced tie,
you
idiot! I need water! I should kill you right now, but I must find
water,
for I am weak, but I shall come back and destroy you and all of your
ties!!!"

"OK", said the old Jew, "It does not matter to me that you do not
want
to
buy a tie from me, nor that you hate me. I will show you that I am
more
forgiving and a better person than you think me to be. I will help
you.
If
you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find
a lovely restaurant. They have plenty of fresh, spring water.
Shalom."

Muttering to himself, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he came staggering back, near collapse and said,
"Your
brother won't let me in without a tie."

I don't get it.

I doubt it.

Doubt what?

I doubt that you didn't get the joke!

Um...I honestly didn't get it.

It wasn't funny.

Ill logic.

Are you saying you didn't get it *because* it wasn't funny? (In which case
math problems must have been a bitch!)

Or, are you saying you didn't get it *and* it wasn't funny? (In which case
I'll try to provide explanations for punch lines.)

Or, are you just being your ornery self?
--
******************************************
***** Have a Spectacular Day! *****
******************************************

John

Friday humor!
 

"MGG" wrote in message
t...


What do I know...I short sheet my son's bed. g.



I get a real kick out of this

mk5000

"And far as the gross out factor, reality is *all medical procedures are
gross and disturbing. They think they're making a point with "look how
awful it is." I wonder how they'd react to a blown up picture of
hemorrhoid surgery? "--mark k bilbo