In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin

Awards-- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene

pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily

stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the

candidates this year are............


NUMBER ONE
* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate

to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when

he ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily

run


NUMBER TWO
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had

dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said

Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,

and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday

afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and

shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of

Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers

using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200

people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


NUMBER FOUR
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell,

face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.

Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth

(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit

the floor.

NUMBER FIVE
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he

won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION, REALLY?

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and

his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite

blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the

dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would

happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


THE RUNNER UP IS:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends

when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from

the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation

grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of

the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no

one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,

volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay

nearby.

One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg

and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet

before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He

miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is

that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no

other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed

his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more

than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up

pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200

pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give

the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast

unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation

knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a

rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his

bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective

Erik Dern. '

With no one there to help him, he lay under all

that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during

that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that

proves that "S... happens!"

"JoeSpareBedroom" wrote in message
...


afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on.

Sound like bunk. "took rescue workers w/ heavy equipment an HOUR?"
Da hell, well they State Road crew or something ?

while about 200 people looked on.

Ah, maybe they were show boating for the 200 onlookers?

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin

Awards-- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene

pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily

stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the

candidates this year are............


NUMBER ONE
* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate

to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when

he ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily

run


NUMBER TWO
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had

dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said

Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,

and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday

afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and

shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of

Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers

using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200

people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


NUMBER FOUR
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell,

face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.

Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth

(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit

the floor.

NUMBER FIVE
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he

won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION, REALLY?

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and

his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite

blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the

dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would

happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


THE RUNNER UP IS:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends

when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from

the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation

grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of

the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no

one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,

volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay

nearby.

One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg

and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet

before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He

miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is

that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no

other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed

his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more

than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up

pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200

pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give

the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast

unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation

knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a

rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his

bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective

Erik Dern. '

With no one there to help him, he lay under all

that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during

that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that

proves that "S... happens!"




All of these sound great, but this is a perfect example of not believing
any "true stories" that comes in email.

http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-09.html
http://www.matthewarnoldstern.com/speeches/ul.html

"Reginald P. Smithers III" wrote in message
. ..
JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin

Awards-- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene

pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily

stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the

candidates this year are............


NUMBER ONE
* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate

to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when

he ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily

run


NUMBER TWO
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had

dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said

Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,

and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday

afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and

shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of

Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers

using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200

people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


NUMBER FOUR
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell,

face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.

Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth

(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit

the floor.

NUMBER FIVE
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he

won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION, REALLY?

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and

his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite

blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the

dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would

happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


THE RUNNER UP IS:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends

when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from

the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation

grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of

the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no

one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,

volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay

nearby.

One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg

and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet

before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He

miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is

that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no

other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed

his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more

than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up

pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200

pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give

the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast

unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation

knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a

rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his

bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective

Erik Dern. '

With no one there to help him, he lay under all

that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during

that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that

proves that "S... happens!"




All of these sound great, but this is a perfect example of not believing
any "true stories" that comes in email.

http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-09.html
http://www.matthewarnoldstern.com/speeches/ul.html


Cool! See them as directly analogous to whatever.

10 to 1 they all thought while gasping their last idiot breath that Ozone Al
won in Floor-DUH