"El Penguini" wrote in message

Are these the best responses the Internet has to offer? I was looking
for some real help, not this crap.

CRAP??!! I think not. Given that you already overlooked the big "+" and
"-" signs embossed on the battery, and you already overlooked the [probable]
fact that one big fat cable is RED and the other big fat cable is BLACK, my
immediate sense would be that the most timely and valid advice available
would be to henceforth have someone else work on the engine. Nothing
personal -- just reality. Many people who are adept with things mechanical
probably couldn't do your job intuitively, either.