"Bill McKee" wrote in message
nk.net...


The Diary if a Snow Shoveler



December 8th - 6:00Pm. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our tea and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like and Grandma
Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9th - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the whole world. Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had. Shoveled for the first tome in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.



December 12th - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of the winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm
glad he's our neighbor.



December 14th - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
life. The snowplow came back the afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way.



December 15th - - 20 inches forecasted. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Dodge. I bought snow tires for the wife's car, and 2 extra snow shovels.
I stocked up the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after
all.



December 16th - There was an ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on
the ice in the driveway putting down salt. It hurt soooo bad! The wife
laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.



December 17th - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I
hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own
living room.



December 20th - Electricity's back on but had another 14" of the horrid
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Stupid snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. (I think they're lying.) Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and the said they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. (I think they're lying.) Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. (I think He's
lying.)



December 22nd - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so could it probably won't
melt till August. Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to stop and help my wife. By the time I got back
out there again I was to tired to shovel. I tried to hire Bob who has a
plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
(I think he is lying.)



December 23rd - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? Is she
nuts!!!?? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did. (I think she's Lying.)



December 24th - 6". Snow the snow was packed so hard by the snowplow, I
broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch
the idiot who drives that snowplow I'll drag him though the snow by his
hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around
the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
presents, but I was too busy watching for that rotten snowplow.



December 25th - Merry -GROAN- Christmas! 20 more inches of the white slop
tonight Snowed in. The idea of shoveling, makes my blood boil. I hate
the snow! Then of all things the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit him over the head with my snow shovel. The wife says I
have a bad attitude. I think she's lost her mind. If I have to watch
"It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her in the
microwave.



December 26th - Still snowed in. Why on earth did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.



December 27th - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, the
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me
$1,400.00!



December 28th - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WOMAN I
MARRIED IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!



December 29th - 10 more inches, Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?



December 30th - The roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver! He's is
now suing me for a million dollars for the beating I gave him!!! The wife
went t home to her mother. 9" predicted tonight.



December 31st - Set fire to what's left of the house. NO MORE SHOVELING!





January 8th - Fells so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. But I wonder why I am tied to the bed? Oh Well.


Unless you ski, snowboard or snowmobile you quickly get tired of snow after
December 25th.

Unfortunately the first day of winter is only 4 days prior to that, with
snowfalls often occurring well into March.

After the Super Bowl there is not much to look forward to in the cold
climates except Spring.

I hate winter.