The Diary if a Snow Shoveler



December 8th - 6:00Pm. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our tea and sat for hours by the window watching the
huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like and Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9th - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world. Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first tome in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and
covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again. What a perfect life.



December 12th - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of the winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's
our neighbor.



December 14th - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
life. The snowplow came back the afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way.



December 15th - - 20 inches forecasted. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Dodge.
I bought snow tires for the wife's car, and 2 extra snow shovels. I stocked
up the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.



December 16th - There was an ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. It hurt soooo bad! The wife laughed
for an hour, which I think was very cruel.



December 17th - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.



December 20th - Electricity's back on but had another 14" of the horrid
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Stupid snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. (I think they're lying.) Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and the said they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. (I think they're lying.) Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. (I think He's
lying.)



December 22nd - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white stuff fell today, and it's so could it probably won't melt till
August. Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then
I had to stop and help my wife. By the time I got back out there again I
was to tired to shovel. I tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. (I think he is lying.)



December 23rd - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? Is she
nuts!!!?? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did.
(I think she's Lying.)



December 24th - 6". Snow the snow was packed so hard by the snowplow, I
broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
idiot who drives that snowplow I'll drag him though the snow by his hair and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner
and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at
100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open presents, but
I was too busy watching for that rotten snowplow.



December 25th - Merry -GROAN- Christmas! 20 more inches of the white slop
tonight Snowed in. The idea of shoveling, makes my blood boil. I hate the
snow! Then of all things the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my snow shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's lost her mind. If I have to watch "It's A
Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her in the microwave.



December 26th - Still snowed in. Why on earth did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.



December 27th - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, the plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400.00!



December 28th - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WOMAN I
MARRIED IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!



December 29th - 10 more inches, Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?



December 30th - The roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver! He's is
now suing me for a million dollars for the beating I gave him!!! The wife
went t home to her mother. 9" predicted tonight.



December 31st - Set fire to what's left of the house. NO MORE SHOVELING!





January 8th - Fells so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. But I wonder why I am tied to the bed? Oh Well.