40 Things Never Said By Rednecks

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Absolutely hilarious!! Thanks!


On Sat, 19 Nov 2005 16:34:00 -0500, "Sir Rodney Smithers" Ask me about my
knighthood. wrote:

40 Things Never Said By Rednecks

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.



--
John H.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.



Gene Kearns wrote:
Nah... you're wrong about 39, 20, 15, 9, and 5! But the others are
pretty accurate....


I guess whoever wrote this list never looked at a list of Southern
authors (#39) and I certainly know more Southerners who actually read
than I do uppity Yankee come-heres who do (although they certainly brag
more about which highbrow magazines they have subscriptions to).

#14... who cares what unsweetened tea tastes like? And I'd certainly be
glad to give a chess lesson to any of the right-wingers hanging around here.

#5... WTF were they thinking? Clemson's Death Valley? The Volunteer
Navy? Crimson Tide? Hello, hello, is anybody home?

DSK

... I guess whoever wrote this list never looked at a list of Southern
authors (#39) and I certainly know more Southerners who actually read
than I do uppity Yankee come-heres who do (although they certainly
brag more about which highbrow magazines they have subscriptions to).


Harry Krause wrote:
Why, I would take that as an insult to one of my favorites, Nathaniel
Hawthorne, but, truth be known, he was a much better storyteller than
writer.


Well this is not a slam against non-Southern writers. Just non-Southern
"readers."

Seriously, though, your point about Southern writers is spot-on. There
are so many good ones, including Shelby Foote, who we just recently
lost. The list of terrific Southern writers seems endless.

Endlessly varied, that's for sure. The one common characteristic they
seem to share is a lack of intellectual pretentiousness.

DSK

Why does southern culture seem so much more colorful than northern?
Somehow my yankee in-laws just seem dull. Somehow southern culture
just seems to give us more to write about than yankee culture. Take
Thanksgiving for example, I bet all you yanks are gonna have turkey.
We are gonna have fried mullet and hushpuppies, gumbo,collards, pecan
pie and are making the jewish in-laws (were a large southern redneck
Catholic family) bring the ham.

wrote:

Why does southern culture seem so much more colorful than northern?
Somehow my yankee in-laws just seem dull. Somehow southern culture
just seems to give us more to write about than yankee culture. Take
Thanksgiving for example, I bet all you yanks are gonna have turkey.
We are gonna have fried mullet and hushpuppies, gumbo,collards, pecan
pie and are making the jewish in-laws (were a large southern redneck
Catholic family) bring the ham.


I love it!

BTW where's the sweet potato pie??!?

DSK

On Mon, 21 Nov 2005 07:45:21 -0500, DSK wrote:

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.



Gene Kearns wrote:
Nah... you're wrong about 39, 20, 15, 9, and 5! But the others are
pretty accurate....


I guess whoever wrote this list never looked at a list of Southern
authors (#39) and I certainly know more Southerners who actually read
than I do uppity Yankee come-heres who do (although they certainly brag
more about which highbrow magazines they have subscriptions to).


Ummm... I think it's about REDNECKs, not "Southerners". Hell, we have
rednecks up here in Alberta. I'm sure Mark Twain wouldn't be considered a
"redneck", but I'd say Ralph Kliene is pretty close...

Lloyd