you have bumper stickers that read "nuke his ass" next to "I support
life."

you believe less ozone is better for a quicker tan.

you support the AK-47's becoming legal. "It'll keep them doughnut
eating cops on their toes."

you think acid rain helps cleans your driveway.

you believe "smok 'em out" is written in foreign policy.

your rifle gets more fondling than your wife.

you think no child left behind is a new bus service to the KKK rally.

you use "uh" as the seventh vowel.

you think Bush is the closest thing to God because of his ability to
cause an apocalypse.

you think David Duke is from Hazzard County.

you are encouraged by Bush's C+ average scholastic history. "Gee, even
you could rule the free world."

you think 'Hail to the Chief' would sound better being played on a
steel guitar.

you confuse Stephanopoulos with Snuffagolpolus.

you believe Jesse Jackson is the anti-Christ and Jerry Falwell should
be referred to "his popeness."

you are certain Bush has created jobs because you have three to pay for
your heat bill.

you think "Dueling Banjos" should be the prelude for every press
conference.

you thought "need some wood" in the debates promoted Viagra.

you believe the Iraqi elections will be fair just like ours.

you are against gay marriage but have no problem marrying your cousin.

you believe it was Clinton's fault for leaving to much money to play
with.

you think Colin Powell should be replaced by Cooter.

you think Martin Luther King is the guy who built your street.

you blame Clinton for having jobs to lose.

you hate Michael Moore so much your thermostats read in Celsius.

you think mercury in your fish adds flavor.

you think the Republican Party likes you for more than your money.