Some humor on a Sunday afternoon
 

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and
went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and
your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out
with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with
God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God
recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented
motorcycles?"

Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't
you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Inventor? Well, in a way I guess so."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major
design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited
for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, but
according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours

Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates
and states:

"Before you can walk through the Pearly Gates of Heaven, you each have to
answer a biblical question."

Turning to the first nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'Who
was the first man on earth?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's easy! Adam!" Lightning flashes, thunder
rolls, the Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.

Turning to the second nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'Who
was the first woman on earth?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's easy! Eve!" Lightning flashes, thunder rolls,
the Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.

Turning to the third nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'What
were Eve's first words to Adam?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's hard..." Lightning flashes, thunder rolls, the
Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.

You should know krause,,, you are the humor provider around here. I mean you
claim to own every boat around, all this land,, where the deer and the
buffalo roam. You feed the critters daily and allow tourists to wonder
around your property, only taking photos and picnicking. Lol,,, you have a
rather large dock on the Chesapeake,, your sad existence with your third
wife, 20 years your junior, your own children have left you just as YOU
YOURSELF has said and you hold two union cards. Then you buy Japanese
products to save a dime and better your quality,,, lol,,, krause,, you are
the humor around here. What will you say next,,,,,,

It is a good thing your computer doesn't double as a lie detector machine,,
otherwise the city would be blowing fuses left and right,,, lol,,, oooo
my,,,, better bring on the meds again there krause,,, time for breakfast,,,
have her much up the toast again krause,,, put it in the blender and throw
in a few meds,,, another milkshake,,,











"HarryKrause" wrote in message
...
Franko wrote:
Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the Pearly
Gates
and states:

"Before you can walk through the Pearly Gates of Heaven, you each have to
answer a biblical question."

Turning to the first nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is,
'Who
was the first man on earth?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's easy! Adam!" Lightning flashes, thunder
rolls, the Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.

Turning to the second nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is,
'Who
was the first woman on earth?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's easy! Eve!" Lightning flashes, thunder
rolls,
the Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.

Turning to the third nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is,
'What
were Eve's first words to Adam?'"

The nun replies, "Oh, that's hard..." Lightning flashes, thunder rolls,
the
Pearly Gates open and the nun walks in.



Well, that's a step up from what usually passes for humor in here.

This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV for $42,500 and has $560
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of
course all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the lake
with their guns, a dog, and of course the new Vehicle. They drive out
onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the
ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and
land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with
a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into
consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice
at a loc ation far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator),
because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when
they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the
resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
"Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the
guns, and the DOG!! Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab
used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the
ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse
about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their
arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One
of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded
with #8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops
for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this
time t he dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course
terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes
off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. The men continue to
yell as they run. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog
yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his
master.
Then --"BOOM!"-- the Navigator is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom
of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there
with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still has yet to make the first of
those $560..00 a month payments!!!
And you thought your day was not going well!

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off saying
"this is a true report". ; )


"N.L. Eckert" wrote in message
...
This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV for $42,500 and has $560
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of
course all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the lake
with their guns, a dog, and of course the new Vehicle. They drive out
onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the
ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and
land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with
a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into
consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice
at a loc ation far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator),
because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when
they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the
resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
"Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the
guns, and the DOG!! Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab
used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the
ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse
about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their
arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One
of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded
with #8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops
for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this
time t he dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course
terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes
off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. The men continue to
yell as they run. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog
yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his
master.
Then --"BOOM!"-- the Navigator is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom
of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there
with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still has yet to make the first of
those $560..00 a month payments!!!
And you thought your day was not going well!

On Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:31:30 -0500, Rookie Boater wrote:

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off saying
"this is a true report". ; )


Yeah, but it was funny. ;-)

yeah it was. It would have been great if someone had it on video.


"thunder" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:31:30 -0500, Rookie Boater wrote:

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off saying
"this is a true report". ; )


Yeah, but it was funny. ;-)

Rookie Boater,
Then you might enjoy these pictures.
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homep...70/pwchelp.htm

Paul


Rookie Boater wrote:
yeah it was. It would have been great if someone had it on video.


"thunder" wrote in message
...

On Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:31:30 -0500, Rookie Boater wrote:


http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off saying
"this is a true report". ; )


Yeah, but it was funny. ;-)

Then you would have loved the story of the sailboat captain who was shooting
a starter pistol into the air in Camden, Maine when a PWCer was making a
pest of himself around the captain's boatload of paying customers!!

--
Marshall and Jo Duhaime, Jr
Classic Boatworks of Maine
http://www.classicboatworksofmaine.com
"Paul Schilter" ""paulschilter\"@comcast dot net" wrote in message
...
Rookie Boater,
Then you might enjoy these pictures.
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homep...70/pwchelp.htm

Paul


Rookie Boater wrote:
yeah it was. It would have been great if someone had it on video.


"thunder" wrote in message
...

On Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:31:30 -0500, Rookie Boater wrote:


http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off
saying
"this is a true report". ; )


Yeah, but it was funny. ;-)

Well, it was all funny except the part about shooting the dog!

--
Marshall and Jo Duhaime, Jr
Classic Boatworks of Maine
http://www.classicboatworksofmaine.com
"thunder" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:31:30 -0500, Rookie Boater wrote:

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dynamitedog.htm

You could tell this was an urban legend, when the story starts off
saying
"this is a true report". ; )


Yeah, but it was funny. ;-)