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Political PEST control

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Posted: November 15, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern


© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com


As if psychologists didn't have enough avenues from which to reap
fortunes off our loopiness and occasional gullibility, along comes a
new malady found exclusively among Kerry supporters, called "Post
Election Selection Trauma," or PEST – which is sort of like shell
shock for soldiers of Democrat misfortune. A cure is nowhere in sight
because it would appear the Democrats are perfectly happy to treat the
disease with more of the disease.


According to the Boca Raton News, one psychologist has treated 15
friends and family with "intense hypnotherapy." After hypnosis, the
patients will demand a recount whenever they see a voting booth, and
subconsciously claim disenfranchisement whenever their candidate loses
– just like before the hypnosis, only now they get to do it with a
lighter wallet.

Deeper analysis of PEST is sorely needed.

What is the core of the problem? Well, anger that George W. Bush won
the election, and perhaps even that John Kerry lost, all at a
convincing level prohibitive to a recount.

What are the treatment options? To grandfather out the disease via a
victory in the next election.

How can this treatment be implemented? By running a competent campaign
embraced by mainstream voters in blue and red states.

What is the probable method of implementation? More concerts by
vacuous musicians, a sequel to "Fahrenheit 911" by Cholesterol Level
911, and possibly nominating another liberal senator and hoping that
he or she doesn't suffer the same fate as McGovern, Mondale, Dukakis,
Gore and Kerry. More groups such as the one headed by P.Diddy, "Vote
or Die," will be sure to pop up again as well, despite the fact that
many people who didn't vote woke up the morning after the election,
still alive, despite the promise from P.Diddy.

Condescension to the red states is sure to continue as well, which is
the only way the left knows how to try to win over voters. All this
adds up to PEST continuing to be a problem for many years to come.

Karen Jacobs, of the Center for Group Counseling, said in the Boca
Raton News story, "We'll do what we can for anyone who shows up for
our support group programs this week, but we haven't implemented a
specific program for Kerry-related trauma." Not so fast, because Rob
Gordon, the Boca-based executive director of the American Health
Association, has one in the works. "We're calling it 'post-election
selection trauma' and we're working to develop a counseling program
for it."

That should make for an interesting session. Chances are, validation
of the patient's problem will be the core treatment, and blame
deflection to the political opposition will raise the esteem of even
the most disappointed of Democrats.

Patients may be flown to, say, Germany, to the new "Dusseldorf PEST
Institute" for intensive therapy under the guidance of Dr. Albrecht
Spiegel (himself a sufferer of PEST ever since Helmut Kohl's 1998 loss
to Gerhard Shroder). Those sessions may go something like this:
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Dr. Spiegel: "Zo, you're havink zee post-election stress?"

PEST sufferer: "The Republican won again. Why, doctor? Why!?"

Dr. Spiegel: "Zees peoples vis zee red state aphasia are offen votink
for zee wrong candidate due to lack un edukashun, racism, homophobia,
und/or zee drinkink proplems."

PEST sufferer: "So, it's their fault, not ours, right?"

Dr. Spiegel: "Fraudulent votink und vat Freud vould have called zee
'pollink anxiety' are vy zay get more of zee voters.

PEST sufferer: "And now the outsourcing of American jobs will never be
stopped!"

Dr. Spiegel: "Zis is why zees sessions are in Germany, and not zee
states, yes?"

PEST sufferer: "See what I mean?"
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The Düsseldorf PEST Institute may not materialize in the future, but
something should be done, because the current treatment is sure to
only intensify the problem.

According to Karen Jacobs, "We're referring people with
election-related stress to the Democratic National Committee."
Referring them to the DNC? This is a little like holding your Al-Anon
meeting in the quality testing room at the Seagram's factory. Under
ordinary circumstances, this would rise to the level of actionable
malpractice, but John Edwards probably won't sue his own ... until the
money's right.

Republicans, in the past, have probably suffered minor undocumented
cases of PEST, especially after a couple of Clinton victories, but it
never reaches any level of malignancy. The one thing the Republicans
do differently is to apply a simple remedy that seems to escape the
Democrats: Not making the same mistakes again and again and expecting
a different result.



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Doug Powers is a freelance writer whose work has been read by millions
of Internet denizens.


John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!