"Harry Krause" wrote in message
...
(One of my email friends passed this along to me...it's kind of light,
and I think it'll make most of us smile...)

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Laws. I
have learned a great deal from your pronouncements regarding what is
morally right and what is morally wrong, and I want to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can.

For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I
simply remind them that you told us that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states
it to be an abomination. End of debate.

But I do need advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws
in the Bible and how to follow them:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is,how do
I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.

Another Devout American Christian


Joseph Smith


Harry, you say this is kind of light and will make us smile? You act like
its just another funny email? This is GOLD! I have so many inlaws that have
been craming select bible passages down my throat that this makes my "send
email" finger tremble. Of course it will probably cost me a divorce, but you
can't have everything!
Dixon