Damn liberals: A day in the life of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow
of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take
because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that
they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan
because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical
insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon
and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought
for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly
labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because
some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on
his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a
deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist
wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.
He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work.
It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because
some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation,
which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal
union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer
pays to these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees
to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll
get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid
liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of a temporary
misfortune. It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can
pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because
some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market
federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the
government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money
over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his
farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is
among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought
for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the
third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home
Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house
didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose
where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. He is happy to
see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security
and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made
sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives
are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought
against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our
lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take
care of themselves, just like I have."