WASHINGTON — Dr. Stephen Hawking’s recent statement that the black
holes he famously described do not actually exist underscores “the
danger inherent in listening to scientists,” Rep. Michele Bachmann
(R-Minnesota) said today.

Rep. Bachmann unleashed a blistering attack on Dr. Hawking, who earlier
referred to his mistake on black holes as his “biggest blunder.”

“Actually, Dr. Hawking, our biggest blunder as a society was ever
listening to people like you,” said Rep. Bachmann. “If black holes don’t
exist, then other things you scientists have been trying to foist on us
probably don’t either, like climate change and evolution.”

Rep. Bachmann added that all the students who were forced to learn about
black holes in college should now sue Dr. Hawking for a full refund.
“Fortunately for me, I did not take any science classes in college,” she
said.

Bachmann’s anti-Hawking comments seemed to be gaining traction on
Capitol Hill, as seen from the statement by Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas),
Chairman of the House Science Committee, who said, “Going forward,
members of the House Science Committee will do our best to avoid
listening to scientists.”

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Andy Borowitz, of course, but...it sure as hell could have been
Bachmann!