PONDERISMS

1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.

3- Life is sexually transmitted.

4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, How
about eggs ? . . .

13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

14- Why does your OB-GYN or gastroenterologist leave the room when you
get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

16- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

17- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

18- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

On Mon, 04 Mar 2013 22:15:04 -0500, wrote:

On Mon, 04 Mar 2013 14:09:57 -0800, Urin Asshole
wrote:

PONDERISMS

1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.

3- Life is sexually transmitted.

4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, How
about eggs ? . . .

13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

14- Why does your OB-GYN or gastroenterologist leave the room when you
get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

16- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

17- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

18- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


Actually some are pretty valid ponderings.

#14 was most relevant for me recently. The nurse was trying to protect
my modesty when we all knew 15 minutes later they would have a biopsy
probe up my ass.
I asked her, "considering the nature of the procedure, is this really
necessary"?

The urologist got even with me

When he started taking the samples he said "now you are going to feel
a little prick"


Yeah, when I had a sigmoidoscopy, I told the doc hey it's not as bad
as going to the dentist. Bad timing since he started laughing.