BoatBanter.com - Aviation Humor

On Sun, 01 May 2011 21:09:40 -0400, Gene wrote:

On Sun, 01 May 2011 20:02:08 -0400, John H
wrote:

Don't forget that Mechanics have to deal with looney-toon pilots,
too.....

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Mechanic: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
Mechanic: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Mechanic: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Mechanic: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Mechanic: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Mechanic: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Mechanic: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic: Cat installed.

Yours were funnier.