Special Report:
Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics

TOPEKA, KS–The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific
principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms
decay into greater states of randomness, has come under fire from
conservative Christian groups, who are demanding that the law be repealed.

"What do these scientists want us teaching our children? That the
universe will continue to expand until it reaches eventual heat death?"
asked former Christian Coalition president Ralph Reed, speaking at a
rally protesting a recent Kansas Board Of Education decision upholding
the law. "That's hardly an optimistic view of a world the Lord created
for mankind. The American people are sending a strong message he We
don't like the implications of this law, and we will not rest until it
has been reversed in the courts."

The controversial law of nature, which asserts that matter continually
breaks down as disorder increases and heat is lost, has long been
decried by Christian fundamentalists as running counter to their
religion's doctrine of Divine grace and eternal salvation.

"Why can't disorder decrease over time instead of everything decaying?"
asked Jim Muldoon of Emporia, KS. "Is that too much to ask? This is our
children's future we're talking about."

"I wouldn't want my child growing up in a world headed for total heat
death and dissolution into a vacuum," said Kansas state senator Will
Blanchard (R-Hutchinson). "No decent parent would want that."

Calling the second law of thermodynamics "a deeply disturbing scientific
principle that threatens our children's understanding of God's universe
as a benevolent and loving place," Blanchard is spearheading a
nationwide grassroots campaign to have the law removed from high-school
physics textbooks. The plan has already met with significant support in
the state legislatures of Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Tennessee,
Georgia, and Mississippi.

"My daughter's schoolbooks tell her that we live in a world ruled by
disorder," said Knox Heflin, one of several dozen fundamentalists who
spoke out against the teaching of the law at a Statesboro (GA) School
Board hearing. "That's a direct contradiction of what it says in the
Bible, about how everything is going to get better, and we'll all live
happily up in heaven after the End Times."

Enlarge ImageChristian Coalition president Ralph Reed holds a textbook
he claims is being used to teach physics in schools.

"The only 'heat death' Jesus ever mentioned is the one that sinners will
suffer for all eternity in the Lake of Fire," said Indianola (MS) School
Board president Bernice McCallum. "Now more than ever, we need to hear
what the Bible has to say about our public schools' physical-science
curricula."

Leading physicists contend that, as the foundation of much of our
current scientific understanding, a reversal of the second law of
thermodynamics would have massive ramifications on the future of both
our nation and the universe itself.

"Were the second law to be repealed, random particles would collect and
organize themselves instead of dissipating, which could affect such
basic processes as combustion, digestion, evaporation, convection–that
sort of thing," Columbia University superstring theorist Dr. Brian
Greene said. "There wouldn't be much sunlight, either, because all
stars, including our sun, would be collecting photons from surrounding
space instead of emitting solar radiation. Oh, and the universe would
begin to contract rather than expand, which could possibly turn back the
flow of time itself, sending our cosmos spiraling inward toward a
reverse Big Bang, a sort of 'Big Crunch,' if you will."

"In light of all this," Greene continued, "I would sincerely hope that
our nation's legislators think long and hard before making any decisions
to amend or repeal this law."

Despite such warnings, the grassroots movement to eliminate the second
law of thermodynamics appears to be gathering strength.

"This is America," said Duane Collins, a Gatlinburg, TN, distillery
operator and father of five. "And in this country, we have the God-given
right to change laws we don't think are Christian. We are united in our
demands that the second law of thermodynamics be repealed, and our voice
will be heard no matter what. That's just a plain fact, and nothing
anybody says can ever change it."

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from the Onion, but...rapidly becoming true in America as it becomes
Palinized and tea-bagged.