January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....
Helllloooo!!!....bottles won't fit in printer!

March
Got really excited....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....
Box said '2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours....
Power went out!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June
Tried to go water skiing....
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'....isn't it?

October
Hate M & M's....
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days....
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December
Couldn't call 911....
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!



THE BEST VACUOUS MIND JOK E OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive vacuous minded
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again,
opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched
to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)


My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'


--
***Are you better off than you were FOUR TRILLION DOLLARS ago?***

John H