|
Skip's Angst
Skip's angst...
TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
Skip's Angst
Captain Skip... it would seem your not the only, or first sailor who ever
got a little down. 1851 MOBY DICK; OR THE WHALE by Herman Melville CHAPTER 1 Loomings Call me Ishmael. Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me. .................... ================================================== ========================================= For sometimes when I am feeling as big as the land With the velvet hill in the small of my back And my hands are playing the sand And my feet are swimming in all of the waters All of the rivers are givers to the ocean According to plan, according to man Well sometimes when I am feeling so grand And I become the world And the world becomes a man And my song becomes a part of the river I cry out to keep me just the way I am According to plan According to man, according to plan According to man, according to plan Oh there's a chance peace will come In your life, please buy one Oh there's a chance peace will come In your life, please buy one For sometimes when we have reached the end With the velvet hill in the small of my backs And our hands are clutching the sand Will our blood become a part of the river All of the rivers are givers to the ocean According to plan, according to man There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one. There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one For sometime when we have reached the end With the velvet hill in the small of my backs And our hands are clutching the sand. There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one ================================================== ========================================= I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
Skip's Angst
Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much
more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. Wilbur Hubbard "Skip Gundlach" wrote in message ... Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
Skip's Angst
Captain Roger .. I own a Cannondale touring bicycle. That is why I have
the posting name. I think my other posting name is in the computer somewhere... Interesting story behind the Cannondale bicycle name. When the company was starting out in the bicycle business, the manufacturing was done in Connecticut. The owner was on a phone talking to the bank or somesuch going on about the new bicycle he was going to manufacture [ aluminun, oversized, tubes for the frame ] and before he hung up they asked "what is the name of the bicycle".. He looked up at the sign where he was .. The name of the company was taken from the Cannondale Metro North train station in Wilton, Connecticut.[1] He decided to just use the name of the train station .. ==== "Roger Long" wrote in message ... You know Tom, you would avoid my having a little chuckle at your expense by using another of your many aliases when you post here. The bicycle I had as a boy, the one I remember most vividly riding through 8" deep snow in the dark with the big double baskets filled with newspapers, had a hard old leather seat. Down the middle of the seat was embrossed the word "Cannondale". Every time I see one of your posts with that name, I can't help thinking of "Cannondale" as being a place to put your ass. Now a bunch of other readers will probably have the same thought so you might want to switch to something else. Thanks for reminding me of that bike. I put a sail on it and tried it out in the strong midwest winds. I went about 30 mph for nearly 5 seconds. The mast broke when I crashed so I quickly got interested in something else. I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. My father, who was a pretty clever guy, installed a coaster brake inside the three speed hub. I have now clue how he did it but I may have been the only kid in the midwest who had what was then known as an "English Racer" with a coaster brake. Had a generator hub on the front wheel that was much less drag than the ones that ran on the back wheel. Cool bike, all 75 pounds of it. -- Roger Long |
Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:44:07 -0500, Wilbur Hubbard wrote:
snip an unusually fetid piece of digital excrement you are without a doubt, a painfully stupid person...your words a vexation on the soul of anyone with an IQ higher than 40...few have so richly deserved their place in my idiot bin **PLONK** with extreme prejudice |
Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:44:07 -0500, "Wilbur Hubbard"
wrote: Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. Wilbur Hubbard Ah, willie-boy, rec.cruising's little ray of sunshine in an otherwise drab world. Can you imagine how much you stepping off the transom some dark night would enhance things? Of course, with the mouse boat's draft you would probably be able to walk ashore. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long"
wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK |
Skip's Angst
On 2007-11-19 04:44:00 -0500, Paul Cassel
said: The joke is you take an oar. Put it over your shoulder and start walking inland. As soon as someone asks what that thing is over your shoulder, you're far enough inland. Turn around 180 degrees, return to the boat and you'll be ready for another few months of life afloat. Dang, this paragraph keeps dragging me in. We're weekend warriors, but this seems such a true reflection of the cruising life. That we are out and moving more than most cruisers is beside the point. Those who understand our obsession typically live close to the shores we frequent. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ |
Skip's Angst
"Brian Whatcott" wrote in message ... On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long" wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK I used to be able to ride my CCM down a pretty good grade on a city street and turn the corner at the bottom... without hands! ( coaster brakes) |
Skip's Angst
If it's possible for you to park the boat, rent a car and drive inland
for a night or two at a motel, it may help a lot. Also try a role play. Let's say you sell the boat. Imagine that. Then you take a small apartment somewhere inland. OK, now imagine it's months down the road and you've watched Judge Judy for 45 consecutive weekdays. I suspect if you can role play this one, you'll recognize you wish to be back aboard. I lived aboard over 7 years. 5.5 with my now late wife and 1.5 singlehanding in a different ocean. I found I got fed up with it from time to time but a bit of a break out of sight of any ocean made a huge difference. The joke is you take an oar. Put it over your shoulder and start walking inland. As soon as someone asks what that thing is over your shoulder, you're far enough inland. Turn around 180 degrees, return to the boat and you'll be ready for another few months of life afloat. Worked for first us and then me always. Consider it. -paul |
Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:33:35 -0800 (PST), Skip Gundlach
wrote: Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... Skip, two observations: - It's always coldest just before the dawn. - Head south young man, head south. The tropics await you. :-) |
Skip's Angst
Skip,
I write this in all seriousness. You readily admit to your shortcomings as a sailor, and truthfully, I will not dispute you on that point. You are not the first to be long on dreams yet come up short on experience. What is equally apparent is your talent as a writer. Your tale has enchanted and infuriated myself along with a good portion of this newsgroup. Perhaps you have hitched your dreams to the wrong horse. The bookshelves are laden with identical tales of sun filled circumnavigations. Your tale speaks to all who struggle and in the struggle rather than the success must find their victory. Stop giving it away. You have a book in you and that is more than any fool on this newsgroup can say. Tie up somewhere, plug into the shore current and finish your voyage. Regards from one who has successfully failed his way into an pretty good life, Dennis S/V Dark Lady CN35-207 "Skip Gundlach" wrote in message ... Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
Skip's Angst
On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:43:34 -0400, "Don White"
wrote: "Brian Whatcott" wrote in message .. . On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long" wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK I used to be able to ride my CCM down a pretty good grade on a city street and turn the corner at the bottom... without hands! ( coaster brakes) Hands off, no problem? Don't try crossed hands! :-) Brian W |
Skip's Angst
Thanks to all to whom the thanks would be obviously directed. The rest
of you can go **** yourselves (Bob, you're not among them, but now you know what it takes to get me to say that). For any of those who may actually have an interest in what's happening rather than just wasting bandwidth on the local ****wit's issues, Lydia has given me direction (much more than permission) to talk about it. I'll do so - if I think there's any sincerity (my apologies to those who I already know are, indeed) in the communication - to all who care to correspond with me offlist. And, as I'm not really given to melodrama, it will take me a little while to compose my thoughts so they don't take orders of magnitude more space than my usual postings here, so please forgive me if you've already made this contact and I've not yet come back to you. I don't think my information is hidden, as I've gotten some private mail on the subject, but in case there's any doubt, you can find me at skipgundlach at gmail.com. We now return you to your regular programming. L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
Skip's Angst
Skip Gundlach wrote:
Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... The onset of winter causes many of us who are far from manic depressive to feel "down". Many of my neighbours counter this by heading south, at least as far south of the equator as they currently live north of it. Furthermore they stay there for at least five months, returning once they feel the northern winter has passed. South Africa is the current favourite with this gang. Unfortunately, this takes money, or rather a willingness to spend considerable amounts of the stuff, which, being stingy, I refuse to do. In the sailing fraternity, there are many who believe that winter is a God-given opportunity to prepare for the coming summer, and without it, our boats would simply disintegrate. We may be kidding ourselves about this, but at least that belief helps us turn out when it would freeze the b**** off a brass monkey to complete some niggling little job that could well wait for more suitable weather if we were honest with ourselves. The medical profession are onto these seasonal feelings of depression in a big way. In the UK one can buy all manner of simulated-daylight devices which are guaranteed to increase your carbon footprint if not cure your depression. None of this will be of the slightest interest to the true depressive, and I feel for you Skip. You may gain some solace from the fact that you are not alone. Winston Churchill was similarly afflicted. Maybe it is one of the downsides of true greatness. Dennis. |
Skip's Angst
"Dennis Pogson" wrote:
The onset of winter causes many of us who are far from manic depressive to feel "down". Many of my neighbours counter this by heading south, at least When I saw what the problem was, I immediately thought SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder or becoming depressed when there is less light). Going south will probably help if that is what it is. A friend of mine who lived in ND had it, and I recommended extra light before arising. as far south of the equator as they currently live north of it. snip The medical profession are onto these seasonal feelings of depression in a big way. In the UK one can buy all manner of simulated-daylight devices which are guaranteed to increase your carbon footprint if not cure your depression. None of this will be of the slightest interest to the true depressive, and I feel for you Skip. Couldn't it be both? You may gain some solace from the fact that you are not alone. Winston Churchill was similarly afflicted. Maybe it is one of the downsides of true greatness. |
Skip's Angst
As we say in pseudo-Latin: illegitimi non corborundum.
Ignore the cretins. The rest of us are listening and cheering for y'all. Keep on rockin' in the free world! Frank and the krewe |
Skip's Angst
Paul Cassel wrote:
Wilbur Hubbard wrote: Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. You'll need a mirror on this one, Wilbur. Crowhurst was a loner like you rather than a family man like Skip. I'm not sure Crowhurst's widow and children would see it that way. |
Skip's Angst
On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:59:39 -0800 (PST), Skip Gundlach
wrote: Thanks to all to whom the thanks would be obviously directed. The rest of you can go **** yourselves (Bob, you're not among them, but now you know what it takes to get me to say that). For any of those who may actually have an interest in what's happening rather than just wasting bandwidth on the local ****wit's issues, Lydia has given me direction (much more than permission) to talk about it. I'll do so - if I think there's any sincerity (my apologies to those who I already know are, indeed) in the communication - to all who care to correspond with me offlist. And, as I'm not really given to melodrama, it will take me a little while to compose my thoughts so they don't take orders of magnitude more space than my usual postings here, so please forgive me if you've already made this contact and I've not yet come back to you. I don't think my information is hidden, as I've gotten some private mail on the subject, but in case there's any doubt, you can find me at skipgundlach at gmail.com. We now return you to your regular programming. L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
On Nov 19, 5:57 pm, Bruce in Bangkok wrote:
You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end You tell it brother..Amen! - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! Try getting a house uilt in 1905 ready to sell. total electical total plumbing total land scape total drainage total paint..... interior.....interior Ugggggg! But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. Right on bro.......almost ready for the For Sail sign! I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. Ya, I wish i could hang wit dat crew but booze is a cheep and availible drug. Ask me why it took 11 years to get a BS.and it wasnt ETOH. hey Bruce......... good on 4 ur post havnt been in ur parts 4 a while......... since 70....... have the bars changed? Cheep huch and mama son for 100 MPC? Bob |
Skip's Angst
Jere Lull wrote:
On 2007-11-19 04:44:00 -0500, Paul Cassel said: The joke is you take an oar. Put it over your shoulder and start walking inland. As soon as someone asks what that thing is over your shoulder, you're far enough inland. Turn around 180 degrees, return to the boat and you'll be ready for another few months of life afloat. Dang, this paragraph keeps dragging me in. We're weekend warriors, but this seems such a true reflection of the cruising life. That we are out and moving more than most cruisers is beside the point. Those who understand our obsession typically live close to the shores we frequent. Most of us are brought up on land. For me that means desert and mountain where the ground doesn't move. Where you wash a towel and it dries in a half hour to a scratch finish. Make a boat your entire world and even if the scenery changes every day, the boat is your world. It's tiny compared to even a small house and microscopic compared to walking around the block. Sailboats are worse than power because meter for meter, they had less room and move movement. Things never get really dry. We're cramped and damp - often cold and never able to fully relax because we're always moving and even while sleeping aware that "all hands" may be called at any time. This may be different for those kids brought up afloat - I can't say as I never kept track of any but for most of us who are land oriented, who are used to being dry except when we swim or take a shower - a life afloat needs reprieve from time to time. I know from long experience this is true. Curiously, this is LESS a phenom singlehanding than if you are with a crew. People rub on each other. -paul |
Skip's Angst
Wilbur Hubbard wrote:
Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. You'll need a mirror on this one, Wilbur. Crowhurst was a loner like you rather than a family man like Skip. |
Skip's Angst
On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:08:59 -0800 (PST), Bob
wrote: On Nov 19, 5:57 pm, Bruce in Bangkok wrote: You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end You tell it brother..Amen! - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! Try getting a house uilt in 1905 ready to sell. total electical total plumbing total land scape total drainage total paint..... interior.....interior Ugggggg! But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. Right on bro.......almost ready for the For Sail sign! I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. Ya, I wish i could hang wit dat crew but booze is a cheep and availible drug. Ask me why it took 11 years to get a BS.and it wasnt ETOH. hey Bruce......... good on 4 ur post havnt been in ur parts 4 a while......... since 70....... have the bars changed? Cheep huch and mama son for 100 MPC? Bob Yes, well... Prices have gone up some from what you saw back in the 70's. But you are talking MPC? No MPC in Thailand. If you are talking about Viet Nam I rotated stateside in 1967 and went back once in about 1972, or there about, to look at a job and I thought that the prices had gone up some then so imagine that they are sky high now. Prices in Thailand, since 1970, has gone up quite a lot. It is hard to talk prices as bars range from bamboo hootch to posh establishments but as a sort of average I'd say that a bottle of beer would run between 50 - 100 baht a bottle and a "lady" about 1,000 baht a night. The exchange rate is *about* 33 baht to the US$. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
Prices in Thailand, since 1970, has gone up quite a lot. It is hard to
talk prices as bars range from bamboo hootch to posh establishments but as a sort of average I'd say that a bottle of beer would run between 50 - 100 baht a bottle and a "lady" about 1,000 baht a night. The exchange rate is *about* 33 baht to the US$. Bruce-in-Bangkok That's 17-quid a night, compared to £500. I knew the UK was a rip-off, but perhaps the quality of the merchandise here is more reliable? DP |
Skip's Angst
"Bruce in Bangkok" wrote in message ... You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! I think if I were a tired old man who attempted things greater than his paltry ability to succeed, I would be down in the mouth, too. It would grate on me knowing I had attempted a circumnavigation but only had enough of the "right stuff" to get less than half the way 'round. I had bit off more than I could chew. Boat was too big and complicated. I couldn't keep up with the maintenance. Expenses got out of hand. Even worse is being stuck in some backwater with no future while the trip grinds to a halt and contemplating dying of old age among the heathens there while slumming it aboard some decrepit old motorboat tied to a dock within sight of the sailboat in which I failed to realize my dreams. A third world boat person. Look over there at your erstwhile vessel and what do you see? Failure and shame, dreams not realized. inability to finish what you started, defeat, the end of the road. But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. If you call some tired old motorboat "back afloat?" But I guess it suits you. Tired old defeated boat for a tired, defeated old geezer and his crone wife. I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. If I were you I would commence drinking at once. Drown your sorrows. Get drunk and feel good about "the good old days" when you still had what it takes. Reflect upon those of us who still do have what it takes and still do circumnavigations and still are able to do circumnavigations and still enjoy the hell out of them. If you think about it, memories are about all that is left to you, Pops. Try rum. I've noticed it allows you to recall mostly the positive memories. (There's a slim chance you might have a few of that type. You can't always have been a failure.) Wilbur Hubbard |
Skip's Angst
On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:08:41 -0500, "Wilbur Hubbard"
wrote: "Bruce in Bangkok" wrote in message .. . You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! I think if I were a tired old man who attempted things greater than his paltry ability to succeed, I would be down in the mouth, too. It would grate on me knowing I had attempted a circumnavigation but only had enough of the "right stuff" to get less than half the way 'round. I had bit off more than I could chew. Boat was too big and complicated. I couldn't keep up with the maintenance. Expenses got out of hand. Even worse is being stuck in some backwater with no future while the trip grinds to a halt and contemplating dying of old age among the heathens there while slumming it aboard some decrepit old motorboat tied to a dock within sight of the sailboat in which I failed to realize my dreams. A third world boat person. Look over there at your erstwhile vessel and what do you see? Failure and shame, dreams not realized. inability to finish what you started, defeat, the end of the road. But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. If you call some tired old motorboat "back afloat?" But I guess it suits you. Tired old defeated boat for a tired, defeated old geezer and his crone wife. I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. If I were you I would commence drinking at once. Drown your sorrows. Get drunk and feel good about "the good old days" when you still had what it takes. Reflect upon those of us who still do have what it takes and still do circumnavigations and still are able to do circumnavigations and still enjoy the hell out of them. If you think about it, memories are about all that is left to you, Pops. Try rum. I've noticed it allows you to recall mostly the positive memories. (There's a slim chance you might have a few of that type. You can't always have been a failure.) Wilbur Hubbard Hot Damn! Here is old Willie-boy. Dumfounded by life as usual and mumbling to himself -- Willie, you really ought to stuff a sock in it as one of these days the guys with the white coats and the wrap around waistcoat are going to drop by your place and away you'll go to the big house with the padded walls. Regarding my "paltry ability to succeed" I might comment that I have two boats, one house, two autos, a wife, children and grand children, no debts and a comfortable retirement. What do you have? A bicycle, a house trailer and a yellow boat. I've sailed half way round the world and you've sailed..... well you don't admit to having sailed anywhere. So what are you rabbeting on about? I've got it better then you have and you are jealous? Good Lord Willie, all you got to do is get a job and start to work and you too can have the easy life style. You don't have to be a bum! My God, if you'd just learn to speak Spanish you could get a position in Mcdonalds that would certainly pay more then the unemployment. You might even be able to go sailing during your annual vacation. All it takes is a little gumption (to use my grand dad's words). Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
Bruce... One wife? And you live in Bangkok?
I'd have at least ten wives. In my humble horny opinion, Thi women are the most beautiful on earth. === "Bruce in Bangkok" wrote in message ... On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:08:41 -0500, "Wilbur Hubbard" wrote: "Bruce in Bangkok" wrote in message . .. You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! I think if I were a tired old man who attempted things greater than his paltry ability to succeed, I would be down in the mouth, too. It would grate on me knowing I had attempted a circumnavigation but only had enough of the "right stuff" to get less than half the way 'round. I had bit off more than I could chew. Boat was too big and complicated. I couldn't keep up with the maintenance. Expenses got out of hand. Even worse is being stuck in some backwater with no future while the trip grinds to a halt and contemplating dying of old age among the heathens there while slumming it aboard some decrepit old motorboat tied to a dock within sight of the sailboat in which I failed to realize my dreams. A third world boat person. Look over there at your erstwhile vessel and what do you see? Failure and shame, dreams not realized. inability to finish what you started, defeat, the end of the road. But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. If you call some tired old motorboat "back afloat?" But I guess it suits you. Tired old defeated boat for a tired, defeated old geezer and his crone wife. I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. If I were you I would commence drinking at once. Drown your sorrows. Get drunk and feel good about "the good old days" when you still had what it takes. Reflect upon those of us who still do have what it takes and still do circumnavigations and still are able to do circumnavigations and still enjoy the hell out of them. If you think about it, memories are about all that is left to you, Pops. Try rum. I've noticed it allows you to recall mostly the positive memories. (There's a slim chance you might have a few of that type. You can't always have been a failure.) Wilbur Hubbard Hot Damn! Here is old Willie-boy. Dumfounded by life as usual and mumbling to himself -- Willie, you really ought to stuff a sock in it as one of these days the guys with the white coats and the wrap around waistcoat are going to drop by your place and away you'll go to the big house with the padded walls. Regarding my "paltry ability to succeed" I might comment that I have two boats, one house, two autos, a wife, children and grand children, no debts and a comfortable retirement. What do you have? A bicycle, a house trailer and a yellow boat. I've sailed half way round the world and you've sailed..... well you don't admit to having sailed anywhere. So what are you rabbeting on about? I've got it better then you have and you are jealous? Good Lord Willie, all you got to do is get a job and start to work and you too can have the easy life style. You don't have to be a bum! My God, if you'd just learn to speak Spanish you could get a position in Mcdonalds that would certainly pay more then the unemployment. You might even be able to go sailing during your annual vacation. All it takes is a little gumption (to use my grand dad's words). Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
"Wilbur Hubbard" wrote in message anews.com... I think if I were a tired old man who attempted things greater than his paltry ability to succeed, I would be down in the mouth, too. It would grate on me knowing I had attempted a circumnavigation but only had enough of the "right stuff" to get less than half the way 'round. I had bit off more than I could chew. Boat was too big and complicated. I couldn't keep up with the maintenance. Expenses got out of hand. Even worse is being stuck in some backwater with no future while the trip grinds to a halt and contemplating dying of old age among the heathens there while slumming it aboard some decrepit old motorboat tied to a dock within sight of the sailboat in which I failed to realize my dreams. A third world boat person. Look over there at your erstwhile vessel and what do you see? Failure and shame, dreams not realized. inability to finish what you started, defeat, the end of the road. If you call some tired old motorboat "back afloat?" But I guess it suits you. Tired old defeated boat for a tired, defeated old geezer snip.. Wilbur Hubbard Good Lord...you've described Capt Neal to a 'T'! You must be well aquainted with him, in those mosquito infested backwaters he frequents. |
Skip's Angst
|
Skip's Angst
wrote in message ... On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:32:28 -0500, Martin Baxter wrote: wrote: Good Lord...you've described Capt Neal to a 'T'! You must be well aquainted with him, in those mosquito infested backwaters he frequents. Wilbur is scratching Neal's balls at this very moment! No way! Impossible, Kneel lost his gonads years ago; seems lack of use cause such hypertrophy that they fell off! Cheers Marty I didn't say they were still attached to anything! What is this? A bunch of gay boys salivating over objects of their desire? Wilbur Hubbard |
Skip's Angst
On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:33:12 GMT, "Sir Thomas of Cannondale"
wrote: Bruce... One wife? And you live in Bangkok? I'd have at least ten wives. In my humble horny opinion, Thi women are the most beautiful on earth. It sort of depends on what kind of a woman you got for the one wife. You have heard about Thai women severing their husband's penis while he was taking a nap? One fed the severed part to a goose and another tied it to a helium balloon and let it drift away. There can be complications with a ménages à many. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
Skip's Angst
I don't care ... I'll take my chances.
... Paradise =================================== "Bruce in Bangkok" wrote in message ... On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:33:12 GMT, "Sir Thomas of Cannondale" wrote: Bruce... One wife? And you live in Bangkok? I'd have at least ten wives. In my humble horny opinion, Thi women are the most beautiful on earth. It sort of depends on what kind of a woman you got for the one wife. You have heard about Thai women severing their husband's penis while he was taking a nap? One fed the severed part to a goose and another tied it to a helium balloon and let it drift away. There can be complications with a ménages à many. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
| All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:36 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004 - 2014 BoatBanter.com