"Peter Hendra" wrote in message
...

Yes we have different laws here. Twice now I have been out walking
along the street (not in Penang) with my friends' Malay kids who were
staying with us for the holidays on the yacht, holding their hands
etc., when I have been accosted by the police as to what I was doing
with them and why was I holding my niece's hand (she was about 12 or
13 at the time) as I was obviously not a blood relative. The kids had
to say "But he's our uncle".

The papers sometimes have some delightful stories along the same lines
such as when a male police sergeant and a female constable were
charged with 'fraternisation' after being found in a hotel room. Their
story was that they were on surveilance. However, when the religious
police knocked on the door he opened it with only a towel around his
waist.

As I am of Greek ethnic origin, I embrace my friends - perfectly
acceptable in the Middle East and southern Europe. The Malays have
gotten used to me hugging them even though they only ever shake hands.
I am waiting for the religious police to haul me in on the matter.

You know of course that there are seperate supermarket check-out
queues for men amnd women in Kelantan state?

Love this country.

Peter

Peter,

Surely you've heard the expression, "When in Rome..."?

On Wed, 28 Mar 2007 10:56:06 -0600, "KLC Lewis"
wrote:


"Peter Hendra" wrote in message
.. .

Yes we have different laws here. Twice now I have been out walking
along the street (not in Penang) with my friends' Malay kids who were
staying with us for the holidays on the yacht, holding their hands
etc., when I have been accosted by the police as to what I was doing
with them and why was I holding my niece's hand (she was about 12 or
13 at the time) as I was obviously not a blood relative. The kids had
to say "But he's our uncle".

The papers sometimes have some delightful stories along the same lines
such as when a male police sergeant and a female constable were
charged with 'fraternisation' after being found in a hotel room. Their
story was that they were on surveilance. However, when the religious
police knocked on the door he opened it with only a towel around his
waist.

As I am of Greek ethnic origin, I embrace my friends - perfectly
acceptable in the Middle East and southern Europe. The Malays have
gotten used to me hugging them even though they only ever shake hands.
I am waiting for the religious police to haul me in on the matter.

You know of course that there are seperate supermarket check-out
queues for men amnd women in Kelantan state?

Love this country.

Peter

Peter,

Surely you've heard the expression, "When in Rome..."?

Hi Karin,
Yes I have and I usually do wherever I travel.

However, I have also found that people accept genuine actions from
those of other cultures. The people I work with and have close
association with know me well and accept that it is part of my
culture. A close friend has told me that they actually quite like the
gesture. Bear in mind that sometimes we are in close poximity, 24
hours a day for days on end on small boats and so you get quite close
to some of youir colleagues (no, not that close)and subsequently their
families. Don't get the idea that I rush up to everyone and grab
them. I usually only do it when I haven't seen them for a while or
when leaving for a period such as coming back to this boat such as I
do to my close friends and relations elsewhere. People don't cringe
but just reciprocate the gesture of affection.

Respect for other people's customs is as it should be but it does not
mean that you have to be blind about it. I have read and been told by
foreigners that one should never touch a Malay child's head for
example. I ruffle my neice's and nephews all the time and kiss them on
the forehead. It is not a matter of tolerating my behaviour but one of
accepting my ways as I accept theirs. I noticed after a while that my
son greeted older people by kissing their hand and touiching it to his
fiorehead as the other kids did. He never saw anything strange in it
and we certainly never told him to.

When I worked for China Telecom and attended meetings where foreign
business introduced themselves by presenting their business cards with
two hands, my Chinese colleagues usually made a remark in Chinese
about "another one who has attended the course" (on how to do business
in China). A dog does not eat grass so I passed mine over to the
visitors in return with one hand or pushed it across the table.

When it comes down to it, people are just people and it is far better
to just be yourself in a lot of situations. Others usually accept and
appreciate that.

cheers
Peter

"Peter Hendra" wrote in message
...

Hi Karin,
Yes I have and I usually do wherever I travel.

However, I have also found that people accept genuine actions from
those of other cultures. The people I work with and have close
association with know me well and accept that it is part of my
culture. A close friend has told me that they actually quite like the
gesture. Bear in mind that sometimes we are in close poximity, 24
hours a day for days on end on small boats and so you get quite close
to some of youir colleagues (no, not that close)and subsequently their
families. Don't get the idea that I rush up to everyone and grab
them. I usually only do it when I haven't seen them for a while or
when leaving for a period such as coming back to this boat such as I
do to my close friends and relations elsewhere. People don't cringe
but just reciprocate the gesture of affection.

Respect for other people's customs is as it should be but it does not
mean that you have to be blind about it. I have read and been told by
foreigners that one should never touch a Malay child's head for
example. I ruffle my neice's and nephews all the time and kiss them on
the forehead. It is not a matter of tolerating my behaviour but one of
accepting my ways as I accept theirs. I noticed after a while that my
son greeted older people by kissing their hand and touiching it to his
fiorehead as the other kids did. He never saw anything strange in it
and we certainly never told him to.

When I worked for China Telecom and attended meetings where foreign
business introduced themselves by presenting their business cards with
two hands, my Chinese colleagues usually made a remark in Chinese
about "another one who has attended the course" (on how to do business
in China). A dog does not eat grass so I passed mine over to the
visitors in return with one hand or pushed it across the table.

When it comes down to it, people are just people and it is far better
to just be yourself in a lot of situations. Others usually accept and
appreciate that.

cheers
Peter

Interesting comments, Peter, and I'm sure you are not your country's version
of "The Ugly American." I have always been exceptionally aware of the image
that too many Americans present when visiting foreign countries, however,
and have always done my best to observe local customs and mores to the best
of my ability. While I doubt that I'd be willing to adopt a burkha in those
Arab countries which expect it of native women, neither would I dress like a
pop tart. But then, I don't anyway. lol

I suspect my natural tendency to touch the heads of children would not serve
me well where Malay children are concerned, and I don't know that I would be
able to supress such a subconscious act -- but I would sure have to try.

The observation about Chinese businessmen strikes me as curious. I should
think that they would appreciate that the foreigners had taken the trouble
to learn and make an attempt to be courteous. In most Asian cultures, I
believe that all gifts should be both offered with, and accepted with, both
hands. Funny that this would be snickered at when done by visitors. Heck, I
even do it in sushi bars. But then, I also bow in my seat when the waiter in
a Denny's brings me my food. Hard to break some habits.

On Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:31:14 -0600, "KLC Lewis"
wrote:


Interesting comments, Peter, and I'm sure you are not your country's version
of "The Ugly American." I have always been exceptionally aware of the image
that too many Americans present when visiting foreign countries, however,
and have always done my best to observe local customs and mores to the best
of my ability. While I doubt that I'd be willing to adopt a burkha in those
Arab countries which expect it of native women, neither would I dress like a
pop tart. But then, I don't anyway. lol

I suspect my natural tendency to touch the heads of children would not serve
me well where Malay children are concerned, and I don't know that I would be
able to supress such a subconscious act -- but I would sure have to try.

The observation about Chinese businessmen strikes me as curious. I should
think that they would appreciate that the foreigners had taken the trouble
to learn and make an attempt to be courteous. In most Asian cultures, I
believe that all gifts should be both offered with, and accepted with, both
hands. Funny that this would be snickered at when done by visitors. Heck, I
even do it in sushi bars. But then, I also bow in my seat when the waiter in
a Denny's brings me my food. Hard to break some habits.

In reading your response, I have to admit that yours is the more
circumspect behaviour and is appreciated in foreign lands where one
does not know the locals. In hindsight I recall being more sensitive
to local social customs when we were first in a lot of the areas we
have been. The behaviour I exhibit now when amongst friends and work
colleagues in Malaysia was not how I behaved when I first arrived.
Over a period of time they and I have gotten to know and accept each
other. As I said, working, sleeping and eating, laughing and talking
in close proximity for days on end engenders a certain intimacy,
especially when there are sometimes situations where, for safety, all
must rely on each other. And, as I mentioned, people are not stupid.
They can see when someone is genuine or not. Children are quite
possibly the best judges of all and they have learned that this Uncle
is an easy mark and will do whatever they want.

As to the Chinese, it often comes as a shock to Westerners to find
that a lot of Chinese consider their culture as being far superior to
others. They do not gauge the worth of a culture solely by its
material or technilogical success as many do in the occidental
nations. Most Chinese have a general comprehension of the age of their
civilisation and an awareness of the cyclic nature of Chinese dynastic
economies and power. Many have spoken of their belief, rightly or
wrongly, that America is on the decline economically as well as
socially and that China will one day be the world power again.

With all of this, a dog still does not eat grass and I refuse to
become a mimic of cultures that are not my own. I show respect, yes. I
take part in their cultures and learn the language, yes. I eat and
stay in their homes and they in mine and we swap children for holidays
and weekends. But to pretend that I am not a New Zealander would be
patronising. I do however wear a sarong at home and at sea. They
reciprocate by now giving their kids birthday parties with cakes and
candles.

if you would like, I could email you one of my newsletters of my
travels that I send to friends. It was written about 5 years ago,
describes life on board a Malaysian Customs patrol boat and has some
photos as well. Just email me with your email handle.

As I said, I love my country (ies)

cheers
Peter