going over land i had to deal with this too in mexico. most of the
time "no comprende" gets you pretty far in mexico, they can't get a
bribe from you if they can't make you understand what they're even
talking about. and there is at least a certain amount of reluctance to
push you too far for fear that you will freak out or something and
they'll have to explain why you are freaking out to someone in charge.
and sometimes you are just too much trouble for them too and they let
you go. but i had to pay a few times and couldn't get out of it, or
made mistakes that lead to having to pay.

once i had to pay because i messed up and left a few $us laying out on
the passenger seat, big mistake there. you can say you don't
understand all day long but they know you understand when they're
reaching across you, pointing at money on the seat, saying dinero over
and over, you just can't play that dumb. that one cost me about 2$us,
trivial.

another time i had to pay was in cancun, going into cancun from the
west. i got caught in a traffic stop there by a local that really knew
how to work the tourists, a seasoned professional, and he spoke perfect
english. no comprende doesn't get you far when they speak perfect
english, and he knew the game a lot better than i did, and i could feel
there was a machine of corruption backing him up that had been in place
a long time. so that one went the typical way ... something like "you
were speeding" .. and "i don't want to cause you a lot of trouble with
having to go with me and i don't want you to have to waste your time in
front of the courts" .. and "maybe we can take care of it right here,
you know, so you can be on your way" ... and "200$us is what they're
going to charge you, but you weren't going that fast and i think we can
work something out", type of thing. he really knew what a typical
american who had seen the words "mexican jail" on television was
willing to pay, and they are willing to pay, that's why it works. and
i was willing to pay too, unlike the typical cancun tourist who can get
in a taxi and go 10 miles back to their cruise boat or hotel or
whatever and laugh about it later, i was in my personal vehicle 1000
miles away from the states, if i didn't cooperate they might help me
"sort" the things in my truck, or worse. so that one ended with me
letting the guy know i'd played the game before and that he could
forget the 100$us he eventually was trying for, i gave him that sincere
look of understanding and a "i am only ever going to be able to afford
20$us" with a serious look of ... you better take it ... on my face,
because that's all your going to get. and of course he did, 20$us was
the biggest bribe i was forced to pay while in mexico, and it was a lot
of money to the cop, even for cancun.

and i got out of paying most of the time, though that didn't stop them
from trying. once at a military checkpoint, of which i must have
passed through 35 of them while in mexico, a kid/soldier tried to take
money from me and i ended up not having to pay. that one was a mixture
of "no comprende" and simply pushing the kid around because he was
young. sure, his friends pointing the automatic weapons at you from
behind while he is talking is real convincing, but i managed to get out
of that one mostly by pretending i didn't know what he was talking
about. eventually he climbed into the truck and got a flashlight and
let me know he was keeping it, and i took it back from him and started
pacing around somewhat erratically saying "no ... no ... no" over and
over. finally his superior caught sight of me, came down, and started
questioning what was going on ... not questioning ME, but questioning
the soldier, and that put an end to that, the military is much better
about graft than the cops are, and i could tell i was free when the kid
started getting brow beaten by his commanding officer. the officer
gave me a seriously angry type of look and asked them if i had been
searched, they said yes (wanting me to be sent on my way to avoid
embarrassing explainations of why i was upset), and the officer sent me
on my way.

another time i did have to pay was just a complete bozo move on my
part. i was playing the no comprende game with a cop because i thought
he was going to hit me for a bribe, but then he started to seem very
genuine to me, like he was a good cop who was actually trying to tell
me something i needed to know. he was using long sentences and so i
started to try to figure out what he was saying. he wasn't smiling and
was carefully trying to talk slowly so i could understand, and he kept
shortening what he was saying trying to get the key points across.
doyes .... doleres ... doyleres ... i couldn't make it out ... dollares
..... oh!! i got it!! and i was smiling because i thought i might have
figured out one of the words and said something like "you mean dollars
? dinero ?" and in an instant knew i'd screwed up! sure enough, he
smiled confidently and started shaking his head up and down saying "si
.... dinero" ... and that stop cost me some pesos. he wasn't about to
let me get away without paying when it took him nearly 10 minutes to
explain the game to me.

the worst for me was really in guatemala, not mexico, that's where you
can get into real trouble. the worst thing that happened to me there
(not the only thing, just the worst) was being stopped by some real
shady guys patrolling out on a lonely dirt road in the middle of
nowhere. they were really sizing me up, and i could tell i wasn't far
from ending up in a ditch somewhere with my head caved in, or worse.
the head guy in that group had this sort of sly smile with gold capped
teeth and through his mannerisms i knew he wasn't afraid one bit of
what might happen, and his little gang were really giving me the look
like they were wondering how much trouble i was going to be for them if
they made me give up all my money, and one especially was waving his
gun around pretty freely. one of those guys marked my truck, i know so
that someone in the next village would know i was "fair game", and i
just happened to see him doing it as i was pulling away and i stopped
down the road and took the mark off, and nothing further happened. but
you do need to be careful. i really think the only thing that got me
out of that one was that the guys were just so surprised to see me
there in that remote place that they didn't know what to think of me
.... was i on some kind of official business, who was i friends with,
who was waiting for me to arrive at the other end of the road, etc ? i
think i just surprised them.

do i feel bad for paying bribes and helping the game continue ? yeah,
of course, it's not good and it's just making it worse for the next
guy. you shouldn't ever pay if possible. but sometimes you do have to
pay, and only someone sitting in front of a computer in the safety of
their own home or business would say that you should never pay a bribe
in mexico or anywhere else. sometimes life is simply unfair and you do
what you have to do, justice isn't the same everywhere, and we are
lucky in america to live where you usually don't have to worry about
cops making you pay bribes and things. it's not always easy to get out
of paying bribes like this poster did, he did a fantastic job not
paying that bit of money, that was a good move. i wish they were all
that easy.