Thought I would keep everyone up to date on breaking news: The
recession is hitting everyone.



Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut
by 25% this April, from 72 to 54. The rationale for the cut was the
increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike
action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't
ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in
the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is not in a
position to meet their demands. They are not accepting the realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace."

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing
expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd
hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow
themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland ,
Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would
not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas
anyway".

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put
down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now
that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on
going to paradise.