During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune
teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal
ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to
be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to
compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze,
steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"


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Clinton is on the beach at Martha's Vinyard and finds that an old bottle has
washed ashore. When the Prez opens it a very wan Genie snakes out.

Genie: Hi Bill. I'm a very weak genie, so I can only grant you one wish--it
had better be easy if you want me to do it.

Clinton: I pray for world peace. Give me that.

Genie: That's a little hard, give me something easier.

Clinton: Make Hillary into the most beautiful woman in the world?

Genie: World peace it is.
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"Yesterday at Barnes & Noble Hillary Clinton had a book signing and a lot of
people showed up. 1,200 people showed up and statistically speaking that
means 1 in 10 of those people slept with her husband." -David Letterman
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York.
When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one
with only seven commandments."-David Letterman


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"Hillary said today that she knew nothing about her brother's involvement
(in Clinton's pardons). I believe her. This woman didn't even know who her
husband was having sex with. How is she going to know what her brother is
doing? Six months ago, she just suddenly found out she lived in New
York!" -Jay Leno
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Hillary wakes Bill about 3 am to tell him she has to go to the bathroom. He
asks her "Why are you waking me to tell me that?" She says, "I want you to
save my place."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing
in their home state of Arkansas.

On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car
with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high
school love. Bill was quite amused at this, but didn't mention anything at
the time.

They exchanged hellos and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around
Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the
wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be
President of the United States."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hillary Clinton went to her doctor because she was not feeling well.

The doctor explained that she was pregnant again.

She was furious. This would ruin her plans for a Senate run in New York next
year. Her dreams were ruined. The more she thought about it, the madder she
got. She was so made that she called Bill and the oval office and began to
yell and scream at him, how he had selfishly gotten her pregnant, ruined her
dreams of running for Senate. She went on and on,
finally there was a long pause as she waited for a reply from Mr. Clinton.

Suddenly, after the long silence, Bill said, "...Who is this?"


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"Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage
couldn't be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled 'Chicks I
Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.'" -Craig Kilborn
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"There is a cold front moving across the country. Yeah, it's Hillary
starting her book tour." -Craig Kilborn
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"The word is that when Bill read the book he wept when he finished it. The
last chapter is titled 'The Castration.'" -Craig Kilborn
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