Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

--
Albert Frankenstein

Annoy a liberal: Work. Succeed. Be happy.

Are you some kind of Erma Bombeck?

Amen!

"Albert Frankenstein" wrote in message
news:HFIKf.35656$6f2.30321@trnddc02...
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on
all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with
or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

--
Albert Frankenstein

Annoy a liberal: Work. Succeed. Be happy.

Albert Frankenstein wrote:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

I could add about 20 more thiongs to that list....

On Tue, 21 Feb 2006 18:07:35 GMT, "Albert Frankenstein"
wrote:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.


When my boys were young half of the upstairs in our house was one big
barnlike high ceiling playroom. I put a nerf basketball goal up on
one endwall of the room.

Room had two ceiling fans. believe it or not you can knock the blades
off of ceiling fans if you hit them with a nerf basketball enough
times.

And, even running without shoes, years of fast breaks will pop the
drywall nails out of the ceiling below.

Now where did I put that brake fluid?

Frank

Don't bother looking for the brake fluid, It don't make enough smoke to
bother with. :0(

Now whats cool, is pull your pick-up into the middle of your shipyard,
where they have that smooth concrete.
Cover the back tires in bleach, Then smoke the tires, that will make a
huge cloud of white smoke. And gets the mexicans running for cover. My
ol econoline truck will smoke em across the shipyard and chirp into
second as I hit the road.

Joe

Do you also drive around and hit mailboxes with a baseball bat?


"Joe" wrote in message
oups.com...
Don't bother looking for the brake fluid, It don't make enough smoke to
bother with. :0(

Now whats cool, is pull your pick-up into the middle of your shipyard,
where they have that smooth concrete.
Cover the back tires in bleach, Then smoke the tires, that will make a
huge cloud of white smoke. And gets the mexicans running for cover. My
ol econoline truck will smoke em across the shipyard and chirp into
second as I hit the road.

Joe

Bob Crantz wrote:
Do you also drive around and hit mailboxes with a baseball bat?


"Joe" wrote in message
oups.com...

Don't bother looking for the brake fluid, It don't make enough smoke to
bother with. :0(

Now whats cool, is pull your pick-up into the middle of your shipyard,
where they have that smooth concrete.
Cover the back tires in bleach, Then smoke the tires, that will make a
huge cloud of white smoke. And gets the mexicans running for cover. My
ol econoline truck will smoke em across the shipyard and chirp into
second as I hit the road.

Joe




He was probablyt one of the incorrigible children that really should
have been on Ritalin...

Indeed I was katy..the Navy slapped most of it out of me.

Me and my brothers were always in trouble. Alberts list is very tame
compared to the stuff we would do.

Infact my brother had to join the service due to a prank he paid on the
towns sheriff.

Our town was only 450 people and only one sheriff. My bro made a HUGE
8X16 foot sign at the town tabernackle that said "Sheriff Johnson Sucks
@*$Ks" everyone in town saw it, and the sheriff was not amused.....

Our favorite was buying rubbers in the bathroom at the diner, un
hooking the gas space heater, filling the rubber until they were twice
the size of a watermellon putting a long fuse on them at letting them
go at night. Giant fireballs would light up the county...bwahahahaha
the newspapers went nuts over thoses.

And the trouble we got into with that tractor....oh man

Joe

Not since I was 13 and the really ****ed off guy chased us down and
caught us.

We were in a bad ass Nova, but he had a brand new Old's 442......good
thing we were just kids, he would have killed us all.

Thanks for the memory

Joe

"Joe" wrote:
Don't bother looking for the brake fluid, It don't make
enough smoke to
bother with. :0(

Maybe you didn't use enough chlorox;^)

S