Title: Internet Stalking and Cyber Bullying
Source: BullyOnline
URL Source: http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm
Published: Jan 14, 2006


The Internet offers new opportunities for stalking, hence the term cyber
stalking. The cyberstalker can, from the safety of his or her home, or the
anonymity of an office environment, trace, track and find out personal
details of the target, including address, phone number, and more sinisterly,
addresses and details of the target's family. The Internet also offers
unlimited opportunity to befriend lonely, vulnerable and nice people who can
be persuaded to start a relationship. Most people do not recognise the
symptoms of stalking and the techniques a stalker employs to target them.

Internet stalker profile (and any stalker, especially a male)

If you've been wooed by a cyberstalker, this profile will bring you back to
reality:

lives in a 1-room apartment which hasn't been cleaned for months - if ever

has stacks of pornographic magazines in his bedroom area

has poor personal hygiene

has poor table manners

has poor social etiquette

hasn't changed the sheets on his bed for months, which are now best
described as crusty

has a bathroom, the state of which doesn't bear thinking about

lives on pizza and beer/coke, the remnants of which litter his apartment

may have an unusual pet (eg ferret) which has free run of the apartment

is either significantly over- or under-weight

has a small moustache or other facial hair

has not held down any job for more than a couple of years, probably less

has no friends

has no life outside the Internet

The Internet stalker probably has other unpleasant characteristics that
sexual harassers possess, and the usual sexual inadequacy including lack of
intimacy, controlling behaviour, no concept of the partner's needs,
premature ejaculation, and an abnormal belief bordering on obsession in his
smallness.

If you've been the target of cyberstalking you'll find my page on
cyberbullying interesting.

Stalker types

Intimate partner: this stalker, the most common type, is a partner or more
usually an ex-partner who can't and wont accept that a relationship has come
to an end. They can't let go.

Vengeful stalker: this is the most dangerous type whose mission is to get
even and/or take revenge. Mostly male, he has a grudge and he's going to do
something about it. The vengeful stalker may never have met his victim, who
may be a politician, council official, boss, organisation, etc.

Delusional stalker: this one has a history of mental illness which may
include schizophrenia or manic depression. The schizophrenic stalker may
have stopped taking his or her medication and now lives in a fantasy world
composed of part reality and part delusion which he or she is unable to
differentiate. If they're not careful, targets of the delusional stalker are
likely to be sucked in to this fantasy world and start to have doubts about
their own sanity, especially if the stalker is intelligent, and
intermittently and seamlessly lucid and "normal".

Erotomaniac: this stalker is also delusional and mentally ill and believes
he or she is in love with you and will have created an entire relationship
in their head.

Variations

Harasser stalker: some stalker types like to be the centre of attention and
may have an attention-seeking personality disorder; they may not be stalkers
in the strict sense of the word but repeatedly pester anyone (especially
anyone who is kind, vulnerable or inexperienced) who might be persuaded to
pay them attention. If they exhibit symptoms of Munchausen Syndrome they may
select a victim who they stalk by fabricating claims of harassment by this
person against themselves. Click here for more on attention-seeker
personality types.

Cyberstalkers and love rats: again, these may not be stalkers in the strict
sense of the word but they have many similar characteristics. Cyber stalkers
and love rats surf the web with the intention of starting relationships and
may have several simultaneous relationships. The targets of a cyber stalker
may know little about the person they are talking to (other than what
they've convincingly been fed) and be unaware of a trail of other targets
past and present. [BBC News Online item]

Troll. The Troll's purpose is to be given more credibility than (s)he
deserves, and to suck people into useless, pointless, never-ending,
emotionally-draining, ranting discussions full of verbal loops and "word
labyrinths", playing people against each other, hurting their feelings, and
wasting their time and emotional energy. [More on Trolls]

Cyberbullying on the Internet Cyber bullies, cyber bullying, flame mail,
hate mail


The Internet provides the perfect forum for cyberbullies, individuals whose
aim is to gain gratification from the distress caused by provoking and
tormenting others. The anonymity, ease of provocation, and almost infinite
source of targets means the Internet is full of predators from pedophiles
targeting children to serial bullies targeting ... anybody.

Cyberbullies get a perverse sense of satisfaction (called gratification)
from sending people flame mail and hate mail. Flame mail is an email whose
contents are designed to inflame and enrage. Hate mail is hatred (including
prejudice, racism, sexism etc) in an email.

Serial bullies, whose behaviour profile you'll find in full at Bully OnLine,
harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others. This may
include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst
contributing nothing of any value. It may also include a common tactic of "a
number of people have emailed me backchannel to agree with me". This is
standard bully-speak which I've experienced on several forums. In every case
it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former. It's also a variant
of the serial bully head teacher who says "a number of parents have
complained to me about you...". When challenged, the identity of the alleged
complainants can't be disclosed because it's "confidential". The purpose of
this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any
validity - it doesn't.

People who bully are adept at creating conflict between those who would
otherwise pool negative information about them. The method of creating
conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can
always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be
distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on.
The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage
in destructive behaviour towards each other.

Many serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything
else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get,
positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them
attention. It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention
from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to
refuse to engage them - which they really hate. In other words, do not reply
to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their
postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as
nobodies.

The anger of a serial bully is especially apparent when they come across
someone who can see through them to espy the weak, inadequate, immature,
dysfunctional aggressive individual behind the mask. For instance, when
serial bullies see themselves described at
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm they usually send me an
abusive email.

If you receive abusive emails or flame mails or hate mail, you can forward
it to abuse@isp where "isp" is the service provider the abuser is using, eg
http://"aol.com" or http://"yahoo.com". Although Internet service providers
may not act on every complaint, the more complaints they receive about a
particular individual (with examples of abusive email) the more likely they
are to close down the person's account.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They
get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the
fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that
their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question
of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate,
etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate
attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to
communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's
emotionally retarded.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't
respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it
sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the
person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature
adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst
the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like
a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and
harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same
thoughts or values as you.

The second rule is to keep all abusive emails. Create a new folder, perhaps
called "Abuse", and move hate mail and flame mail into this folder. You
don't have to read it. When the time comes to take action, this folder of
hate mail and flame mail is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies,
are obsessive people and if their account is closed down you may start
receiving mail from another address. This can later be compared to the
abusive emails you've already received to identify the perpetrator. You'll
find the same words, phrases and strategies occurring.

The third rule is to understand bullying. Read through Bully OnLine
carefully, understand the profile of the serial bully. Recognise that you
are not dealing with a person who has the same mindset as yourself.
Bullying, and especially cyberbullying, has links with stalking - see
http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm for links to stalking sites.

Rule four is get help. If you're a young person, this is essential. Even
mature experienced adults often cannot handle bullying and harassment by
themselves. Sometimes you are dealing with a severely disordered and
dangerous individual.

Rule five is become alert to provocation. It could be called "The Baiting
Game". A provocative comment is made and those who respond spontaneously in
irritation (eg non-assertively) are then encouraged to engage in conflict
with those who respond without irritation (eg assertively). The provoker
watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation.
What interests me is the sense of gratification that a provoker gains from
watching others indulge in destructive interaction initiated by him- or
herself. In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction
akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.

The sixth rule is become an observer. Although you may be the target of the
cyberbully's anger, you can train yourself to act as an observer. This takes
you out of the firing line and enables you to study the perpetrator and
collect evidence. When people use bullying behaviours they project their own
weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others. In other words, they are
telling you about themselves by fabricating an accusation based on something
they themselves have done wrong. Whenever you receive a flame mail or hate
mail, train yourself to instinctively ask the question, "What is this person
revealing about themselves this time?"

The seventh rule is decide if you want to take action, and if so, prepare
carefully and strike hard. Sometimes refusing to respond and engage will
result in the cyberbully losing interest and going off to find someone
easier to torment. Sometimes though, especially if there has been
interaction in the past, the cyberbully is so obsessed that s/he cannot and
will not let go. You will have to make that person let go, but only through
swift, hard, legal action, and only when the time is right. Don't deal with
the abuser yourself (this encourages bullies and stalkers), use a third
party such as a solicitor.

Finally a reminder - never try to mediate, negotiate, conciliate or
otherwise deal with a bully or stalker yourself. Always remember Rule #1:
don't respond, don't interact and don't engage.

Thank you for your help Crantz. If the AOL loser keeps stalking me I'm
going to hire a lawyer or file a formal complaint or something.

This is just toooooo much. Holy caped crusader batman.

RB
35s5
NY

Great link... thanks!

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

"Bob Crantz" wrote in message
ink.net...
Title: Internet Stalking and Cyber Bullying
Source: BullyOnline
URL Source: http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm
Published: Jan 14, 2006

hence the term cyber stalking.

At the risk of sounding rather naive...

I am now trying to differentiate the two "Robs" that appear to
be posting here of recent.

Am I correct in assuming that the Rob showing an AOL email
address is the real thing?

And the other Rob with a Yahoo.ie address is the phony?

I kind of figure that one of you regulars (such as Mr. Crantz)
may have a handle on all this.

Just wondering... :-)

Bill

Yep, you got it.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

wrote in message
oups.com...
hence the term cyber stalking.

At the risk of sounding rather naive...

I am now trying to differentiate the two "Robs" that appear to
be posting here of recent.

Am I correct in assuming that the Rob showing an AOL email
address is the real thing?

And the other Rob with a Yahoo.ie address is the phony?

I kind of figure that one of you regulars (such as Mr. Crantz)
may have a handle on all this.

Just wondering... :-)

Bill

Thanks, Jonathan. You should also tell him that I am God's sockpuppet to
this group.

Amen!

"Capt. JG" wrote in message
...
Yep, you got it.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

wrote in message
oups.com...
hence the term cyber stalking.

At the risk of sounding rather naive...

I am now trying to differentiate the two "Robs" that appear to
be posting here of recent.

Am I correct in assuming that the Rob showing an AOL email
address is the real thing?

And the other Rob with a Yahoo.ie address is the phony?

I kind of figure that one of you regulars (such as Mr. Crantz)
may have a handle on all this.

Just wondering... :-)

Bill

Bill, Bob Crantz is God's sockpuppet to this group.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

"Bob Crantz" wrote in message
nk.net...
Thanks, Jonathan. You should also tell him that I am God's sockpuppet to
this group.

Amen!

"Capt. JG" wrote in message
...
Yep, you got it.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

wrote in message
oups.com...
hence the term cyber stalking.

At the risk of sounding rather naive...

I am now trying to differentiate the two "Robs" that appear to
be posting here of recent.

Am I correct in assuming that the Rob showing an AOL email
address is the real thing?

And the other Rob with a Yahoo.ie address is the phony?

I kind of figure that one of you regulars (such as Mr. Crantz)
may have a handle on all this.

Just wondering... :-)

Bill

I was just doing as he asked... :-)

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

"katy" wrote in message
...
Capt. JG wrote:
Bill, Bob Crantz is God's sockpuppet to this group.

Bill, Bob Crantz is God to some on this group....

Bob Crantz wrote:
Thanks, Jonathan. You should also tell him that I am God's sockpuppet to
this group.

Amen!

"Capt. JG" wrote in message
...

Yep, you got it.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

wrote in message
groups.com...

hence the term cyber stalking.

At the risk of sounding rather naive...

I am now trying to differentiate the two "Robs" that appear to
be posting here of recent.

Am I correct in assuming that the Rob showing an AOL email
address is the real thing?

And the other Rob with a Yahoo.ie address is the phony?

I kind of figure that one of you regulars (such as Mr. Crantz)
may have a handle on all this.

Just wondering... :-)

Bill





shhhhh......some of them haven'[t figored it out yet....

Capt. JG wrote:
Bill, Bob Crantz is God's sockpuppet to this group.

Bill, Bob Crantz is God to some on this group....