Bobsprit is possessed by demons!!

He is lying even more than usual!

He spews green pea soup every time he opens his mouth!

His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

He must be exorcised! The demons driven away!

Amen!

Bob Crantz wrote:
....


His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

He must be exorcised!

And you're just the one to go there and do it. Does that mean you'll
be a rubber glove puppet?

It's a dirty job, but it's the Lord's work!

Amen!

Actually, I intend to use a pressure washer to flush out those colon demons.

Glory!

Rubber glove puppet- bwahahahahaaa! Good one!

"Jeff" wrote in message
...
Bob Crantz wrote:
...


His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

He must be exorcised!

And you're just the one to go there and do it. Does that mean you'll
be a rubber glove puppet?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

Folks, here at Landover Baptist Church, we don't care about secular
opinions, we don't care about polls, we don't care what's in the newspaper
and we sure as hell don't give a damn what some fancy atheistic scientist
says. All we care about is what God says. If them scientists would have been
paying attention to the Bible, they would have found out a long time ago
what Christians already knew for the last 2,000 years. What's that? Why,
it's the fact that Hell is bubbling and brewing right under our feet. Hell
is in the center of the earth. If you don't believe it, then read your
Bible! God tells us in Revelation, chapter 14, that he is going to torment
people with fire and brimstone. Friends? Do you know what brimstone is? It's
sulfur, that's what it is. Do you know where sulfur is? It's in the center
of the earth, that's where it is.
And it is Satan's little calling card. When you smell sulfur, you know
Satan has been around. I can't tell you how many times I've had saved men
come up to me who work on them oil drilling platforms in that Gulf of
Mexicans and tell me the same story. They say that sometimes they drill too
far and suddenly the whole platform fills with the smell of sulfur coming up
the pipeline straight from Hell. Sometimes, they can actually hear the
sounds of demons in Hell screaming for mercy coming up the pipe. It is a
fact the media don't want you to know, but the folks at Exxon Mobile have
had to start playing loud rap music on their platforms just to drown out the
sounds of demons scampering up the pipeline to escape their never-ending
torture. Sometimes, they don't close the hole quick enough and millions of
demons escape. Fortunately for us, most of these demons that escape find
themselves in the water (and drown because the New Testament teaches that
demons, like black people, can't swim) or they turn up in some godforsaken
Arab country where everyone is damned anyway so they can't do much harm.

But when you smell sulfur, you know the Devil is around. Friends, have you
ever sat yourself down on the toilet to do nature's necessity and been
overwhelmed by the smell of rotten eggs? It is sulfur. A clear sign that
demons are living in your bottom. You need to get yourself down to a
Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!

The scientists just found that out a few years ago. God's people knew it all
along. If those idiots would stop letting the Devil do all the thinking for
them and turn to God's word, they'd find what they're looking for.
Salvation. Freedom from Satan's distractions. Distractions like books,
universities, science, biology, astronomy... Why, did you know that there
are some scientists out there who are ignorant enough to believe that there
is life on other planets? They even think that the stars in the sky are
little suns, with planets revolving around them. Well, they got it half
right. The Bible tells us that they are sons, not suns. They are the sons of
Abraham. Every Bible believing Christian knows this is true. Their heavenly
garments light up the night sky as proof that God's home is above our heads.

So, we know that Hell is a real place, with a real location. There is even
more evidence of this (cause that's what the scientists are asking us for)
when we see volcanic eruptions. They spit out tons of sulfuric gas into the
air. Betty Bowers will tell you that global warming is a direct result of
overpopulation in Hell. I will agree with her on this, but I would like to
take it a step further. When you see that volcano erupt over there in Japan,
you are seeing the growing pains of Hell. God is still working on Hell,
folks. Frankly, He never guessed there would be so many Asians, and since
every one of those sneaky folks is sent to Hell (do NOT pass Go), the place
is more packed than one of them rafts from Cuba. In fact, Hell has gotten
so crowded, it has started to annex parts of the surface of the Earth. So
far, all Satan has laid claim to is Africa (and no one even noticed!
[laugh], but he will eventually start taking over places that matter. God
made the earth in 6 days, but he is still carving out a place in the core of
the planet earth where he will torture people forever in a literal lake of
fire! don't know what else it's gonna take for folks to be convinced.
Frankly, the thought is so frightening that I can't see why people are not
running to their local churches and begging to get saved, and become tithing
members.

240,000 people go to Hell every day. That's 158 people a minute. You can
line up all the people who went to Hell in the last 10 years and have them
all hold hands - if they hadn't been chewed off by demons. The line would
circle the planet eight times. That's why it keeps getting bigger. Jesus
tells us that that "broad is the way to destruction, but narrow is the path
to salvation."

The reason we talk about Hell so much in this church is because God talked
about it. Did you know that for every time Heaven is mentioned in the Bible,
Hell is mentioned 10 times? I wish I could tell you how many people go to
Heaven each day. It's hard to say. I can tell you that one went last week,
when we lost a dear member of this church. Rev. Charles Wilson lived all 87
years of his life on this church campus. He was born here, and he died here.
Praise God! He was called to serve in one place, and he never faltered from
that calling. He never set foot off of this campus until the day he died.
The only other place that Rev. Charles Wilson ever visited is Heaven. And
that is a Godly testament to this fine church. He went from Landover to
Glory. In fact, I don't even know if that counts as a change. End of story.

As Christians, we can sit back and laugh at science. Sometimes, we cry
tears of joy as well. Every time some fancy academic comes up with something
he thinks is new, we can turn to our Bibles and see that there is nothing
new. God told King Solomon that "there is nothing new under the sun." The
Bible is the only book anyone needs to read. The Devil don't want you to
know that, though. That's why he writes books of his own. He wrote the best
selling Harry Potter series just to distract children from reading the
Bible. We see where that went. Little boys wanting to be fairies, kids
killing their parents (and other unsaved kids in public schools)." Most of
this can be traced back to the fact that children can't read the Bible in
school. They can read the smutty works of that panty-hose-wearing William
Shakespeare, and the unintelligible drunken ramblings of Muriel Hemingway,
but they can't read the Bible. Children are even being forced to read books
written by angry colored folks like Maya Angeloony who write under the
influence of demonic voodoo gods. Why, our little children in public schools
are even told to read books written by homosexuals and harlots with
pen-names that celebrate smutty incest like Dickinson. It all comes as no
surprise, though. This is a Devil-run world, and Christians have always been
the minority. Satan would kill us all if he could, but he wants to make God
even more mad by trying to convert us back into being unsaved. Ah yes, we
know his battle plan. This church is not going to be suckered by Hell's
minions. As long as I live and breathe, I won't let it happen.


Amen!


"Jeff" wrote in message
...
Bob Crantz wrote:
...


His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

He must be exorcised!

And you're just the one to go there and do it. Does that mean you'll
be a rubber glove puppet?

"Bob Crantz" wrote...
Bobsprit is possessed by demons!!

His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

It must be exercised!


Sounds like a job for Ganzy.

S

Scotty has more experience with inspecting colons, apparently, since he does
it on a daily basis.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

"Scotty" wrote in message
...

"Bob Crantz" wrote...
Bobsprit is possessed by demons!!

His colon has taken over his brain!

His colon houses satanic demons!

It must be exercised!


Sounds like a job for Ganzy.

S