We sail a J30 on a regular basis. My wife and the girls have NO
problem with the tiller even in fresh conditions.

Bull****. I guess your women are much stronger than the women who owns
and races a J30 in Annapolis. She petitioned the class requesting that
they allow her to have her rudder modified to turn it into a semi
balanced rudder so she could take some of the load off in big breezes.
The J30 tiller is a bitch in a breeze and everybody knows it.