We all know Martha is quite busy, but after telling her of the brit
Donal she suggested I send him these tips.


Martha Stewart's tips for Donal

Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.(if your
govt hasent taken your guns away yet)
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bunk it's time to change sheets.
Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the
will ...it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the
funeral.
------------
DINING OUT
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
------------
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared
by a taxidermist.
Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his
manners are.
------------
PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.
Tell your wife dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,
as it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry &alter the taste of
finger foods.
------------
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wantin' to
go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall 2 years
ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer,
it is Donals responsibility to get her to school on time.
------------
THEATER ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby &picked up as soon as the
movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they cannot hear you.
------------
WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For you Donal, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks &shoes for this special
occasion.
------------
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight. (if your govt has not taken your
guns away allready)
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
ALWAYS has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is not polite to ask her to bring back beer too.
Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

I hope this help you Donal.

"Joe" wrote in message
om...
We all know Martha is quite busy, but after telling her of the brit
Donal she suggested I send him these tips.

snipped advice to Rednecks

10/10 Joe.

I hope this help you Donal.


I'll just have to try harder, eh?



Regards


Donal
--