TALLAHASSEE — Opponents of Florida’s Stand Your Ground law are
attempting to mobilize support for a new law called Don’t Shoot Me for
Absolutely No Reason.

The proposed law, which faces major opposition in the Florida
legislature, would make it illegal for people in the state to shoot each
other for no reason whatsoever.

“Under the provisions of Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason, you
will be required to have an actual reason for shooting someone,” said a
spokesman for the measure, Harland Dorrinson. “This will be a first in
Florida.”

The controversial bill has already drawn the ire of the National Rifle
Association, which issued a statement today saying that requiring
someone to have a reason to shoot another person would violate the
Second Amendment.

“If you force someone to have a reason to shoot someone, soon you will
be taking away his right to shoot that person altogether,” the N.R.A. said.

“We are not in principle against the idea of having a reason to shoot
someone,” the N.R.A. continued. “But we believe you should be allowed to
shoot the person first and have the reason second.”

Even if Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason somehow passes in the
legislature, Florida Gov. Rick Scott said today that he would veto it,
telling reporters, “Making people in Florida have a reason to shoot each
other would fundamentally change our way of life.”

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From Andy Borowitz, of course.