June 6, 2011
Palin: ‘We Must Never Forget the Wisdom of Jefferson, and his Wife, Weezy’
Former Gov. Gives History Lesson

MONTICELLO (The Borowitz Report) – Visiting Thomas Jefferson’s historic
home, Monticello, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today paid tribute
to the nation’s third President, telling an audience of supporters, “We
must never forget the wisdom of Jefferson, and his wife, Weezy.”

Gov. Palin said that “at a time of our history when the American people
needed leadership, it was Jefferson who said the immortal words, ‘We’re
movin’ on up.’”

The former Alaska Governor, criticized in recent days over her grasp of
American history, used the Monticello speech to demonstrate her
knowledge of the country’s founding fathers.

“Let us have the ingenuity of Benjamin Franklin, who invented the
electric chair,” she said.

“Let us have the honesty of George Washington, who told his father that
he chopped down a cherry tree because it was blocking his view of
Russia,” she added. “And let us have Washington’s perseverance, which
he demonstrated during that harsh winter at Sweet Valley High.”

But she saved her most fulsome praise for her favorite American hero,
Paul Reve “In his famous cry, ‘One if by land, two if by sea,’ Paul
Revere proved that you don’t have to know how to count higher than two
to be a great American.”

At the end of her speech in Monticello, Gov. Palin said that she was
looking forward to the next stop on her bus tour, Philadelphia, “the
home of the Taco Bell.”
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