May 29, 2010
Bin Laden Says He’s ‘Professionally Envious’ of BP
‘I’ve Got to Step Up My Game,’ Says Madman

In a new video that is light on his usual threats but heavy on
admiration, Osama bin Laden admits that he is “professionally envious”
of oil giant BP’s massive oil spill, saying that it puts his efforts to
create destruction and chaos to shame.

“There are times in an evildoer’s life when one has to stand back and
admire a job well done,” Mr. bin Laden says in the video. “BP, you blow
me away.”

The Al-Qaeda mastermind adds that his first thought upon seeing BP’s
spill was, “Man, I’ve got to step up my game.”

Mr. bin Laden claims in the video that he rarely feels envious towards
other evildoers, but says he likes “to use that energy to push myself to
be the best terrorist I can be.”

As for the envy he felt after seeing BP’s handiwork, the madman says, “I
haven’t felt this way since the whole Toyota thing.”

From the one and only Andy Borowitz...


--
The Tea Party's teabaggers are just the Republican base by another name.