BREAKING NEWS: Obama Appoints Ron Kuby to Supreme Court


In a move that surprised everyone except those in his innermost-circle,
President Obama today announced his appointment of liberal New York
attorney, Air America host, and card-carrying ACLU member Ron Kuby to
fill the U.S. Supreme Court seat being vacated by the suddenly
conservative-looking David Souter.

Kuby, a protégé of the late William Kunstler, is best known not only for
his radio show which boasts the client-inspiring title “Doing Time”, but
for his client list, which according to the Air America website
includes, among others: World Trade Center Bombers; Long Island Railroad
gunman Colin Ferguson; the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club; … airplane
hijackers; The All-Mighty Latin King and Queen Nation; plaintiffs in two
United States Supreme Court cases establishing First Amendment
protection for flag-burning; and Satan, best known for his ‘bad guy’
role in the book “The New Testament”.

“While Ron is not the ‘bomb thrower’ some were afraid I might choose, he
nonetheless appreciates the principles of our Constitution enough to
uphold the standard that even bomb throwers are entitled to a defense
under our system of justice,” the President said in announcing his
decision, “In addition, as both a student and a teacher of
Constitutional law, I am keenly aware of the relevant history of our
highest court. When our nation and its courts were in their infancy, it
was the wisdom of our founding fathers and our early justices that
forged the unique and lasting system of justice we enjoy to this day.
And we must not forget that most of these legal pioneers wore their hair
in ponytails. Yet nearly two centuries have passed since any member of
the highest court in our land has done so. With all of the challenges
this Court will face in the 21st century, I feel that we cannot afford
to allow this trend to continue. Ponytails must once again share their
rightful place on the bench of the United States Supreme Court.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, responding to reporters’
questions during his daily briefing, further explained the President’s
decision, saying, “I think the President made clear his position on men
with ponytails being represented on the Court. That being said, the
field was essentially narrowed down to future Justice Kuby and Ben
Nighthorse Campbell. Senator Campbell is 76 now, and enjoying his
jewelry business. Mr. Kuby will be 53 when the next Court convenes in
October. The President is hopeful that his ponytail wisdom will be a
constructive influence on American jurisprudence for many years to come.”

Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, when asked if the Administration feared a
possible Republican filibuster attempting to block the controversial
nominee, said, “of course we expect a f*****g filibuster. Those f*****g
c***suckers have a problem with everything the President does, right
down to the choice of his f*****g tie. F**k them.”

House Minority Leader John Boehner’s office released a statement in
response to the surprise nomination, which read: “Just as with the
economy and the illegal torture of prisoners, it’s all Pelosi’s fault.”

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From the Desperate Blogger