CDC Update: ‘Elephant Flu’ Remains Potential Threat

Posted by DB on May 1, 2009

Atlanta, GA –

The Centers for Disease Control have issued a public advisory regarding
the human strain of the proboscidea influenza virus, more commonly known
as ‘elephant flu’ or ‘GOP Virus’.

While considered ‘contained’ as of last November, the virus, which
officials emphasize is non-life-threatening, remains, at the very least,
a major public nuisance. While cases continue to be widespread
throughout the country, the most affected areas continue to be in the
South and upper Midwest, as indicated on the map shown below.

Since there are generally no outward physical signs that the victim is
suffering from the illness, the CDC recommends that the public remain
vigilant in recognizing its symptoms, which include:

* High fervor
* Delirium – many patients have shown difficulty in distinguishing
schools, courthouses and government buildings from churches
* Increased anxiety and feelings of frustration
* Paranoia – generally manifested in fears reminiscent of
historical ‘red-scares’
* Confusion – recent reports indicate victims purchasing tea bags
even though they don’t drink tea

While there is no known cure for the disease, a good dose of common
sense has shown to be an effective treatment. Unfortunately, it must
often be administered forcibly, as those most seriously afflicted tend
to be unable or unwilling to get over it.

Experts emphasize that there is no cause at present for alarm, pointing
out that the number of registered cases continues to decline. But they
warn that the public should remain vigilant, noting that the emergence
of a more virulent strain could endanger civil liberties, the economy,
and the overall progress and general well being of the country as a whole.

--From the Desperate Blogger :)