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JimCate JimCate is offline
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First recorded activity by BoatBanter: Jan 2009
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Default How sailing failure is defined.

Wilbur Hubbard wrote:
How is sailing failure defined?

Let me count the ways.

1) Joe of Red Cloud infamy
2) Bruce at the Bangkok dock
3) Capt. J.G. the netKKKop
4) Bobsprit the dreamer
5) Doug King the trawler queen
6) Sea Hag the chronic builder
7) Katysails the blind (in more ways than one)
8) Dave the lawyer who doesn't even own a boat
9) KCL Lewis the admiral
10) Bob the wannabe deck hand

Each of these failures will be individually discussed below. They represent
the various ways folks can become sailing failures. The pitfalls are easily
pigeonholed. They seem to fall into categories and the failures are
certainly not original in any way. Rather, they are stereotypical and
represent thousands of wannabe sailors the world over.

1) Hapless Joe, skipper of the erstwhile motorsailer, "Red Cloud." Most of
you know his story. Abandoned his boat because he lacked the basic skills to
handle a cold front in the Gulf of Mexico while trying to deliver a couple
tons of coffee beans. Used his diesel until he wore it slap out and was
forced to sail and found out he didn't know how to sail nor did he have the
necessary storm sails when the going got tough. Yet he still claims to be
selling 'green' coffee. This while the hulk of the Red Cloud sits on the
bottom in the Gulf leaching diesel, rust and all manner of other pollution
and for years to come. Now, he "sails" some old pile of crap Owens Aruba.

2) Bruce at the Bangkok dock. Bruce had a dream. He started off on a
circumnavigation but overreached. Only made it halfway around and ran out of
steam. His choice of a vessel was too large, to cumbersome, to complicated
for him to handle. One problem after another soon ground his pie-in-the-sky
enterprise to a halt. He got as far as Thailand where his goal has
languished now for over thirty years. He simply could not face the prospect
of continuing because it finally dawned on him that he wasn't up to the
task. Now he pretends to be an authority.

3) Capt. J.G. the netKKKop doesn't have what it takes to be a real sailor
either. His entire life revolves around his desire to control every aspect
of his environment whether it be Usenet netKKKopping or neighborhood
agitation (community organizer) against everything from airplane traffic to
power pole placement. He's been involved with one failed or failing sailing
instruction venture after another and was recently fired from one where he
hijacked their web site and used it as a means to whine and slander those
who fired his sorry arse. Gaynze will never be a sailor because he's got to
be doing things that make him a thorn in the side of those who associate
with him.

4) Bobsprit who is a dreamer never had what it took to be a sailor. He's
become a daddy like many daddies today - Mr. Mom. Pathetic! While his wife
goes to work every day, Bobsprit baby-sits and spends the majority of his
time doing other female duties. He finally gave up bragging about his little
afternoon sailing attempts which generally ended up in one disaster after
another as in hitting the same rock about five times in a row. He can't
handle the most basic of boat maintenance as evidenced by the water damage
to the sole of his latest ugly boat. He hasn't been heard from much lately
probably because he never sails any more. Dishpan hands make sailing too

5) Doug King the trawler queen was a pretend sailor for a while but it was
always evident that he was one of these people who preferred sanding,
varnishing and polishing over sailing. He uses a boat primarily as an object
for bragging rights. His idea of sailing has always been talking to people
on the dock who admired the spit shine of his show vessel. Now, Doug's given
up on sailing and has turned into a tug-boat trawler maintenance man. To
Doug appearance is all that matters. It's a case of, "Hey, lookit meeeee!"
as he chugs up and down some sheltered channel where he can depend upon an
audience on the banks who admire his handiwork.

6) Seahag the chronic builder has faded into the dust pile of history. She
and her husband never completed the old wreck of a wooden boat they worked
on for twenty some odd years. They have finally run out of energy and funds
and still live aboard at the dock in a boat that crumbles under them faster
than they can keep up with the repairs. Their story is one of a completely
failed Bruce in Bangkok. While Bruce failed halfway, Seahag never even got
started. Well, at least Seahag can be comforted by the fact that her story
isn't unique. While some sail, many others work and dream and never
accomplish more that that.

7) Katysails who was a friend of Seahag did try to sail from time to time
but living in Michigan her sailing season was very short. I don't think she
ever got the hang of it and that school marm of a husband never had what it
took either. Their boat was some cheap French abomination that was built
flimsy and did not sail well. Last I heard they finally got some sense and
moved south (their boat on a truck) where the last I heard Katy was trying
to figure out how to keep condensation from forming inside her boat. They're
both retired now but can't break the bonds of life ashore. They live in some
rented shack and their boat rots and mildews away on a mooring up some muddy
river in North Carolina. Katy's going blind in one eye and can't see too
well out of the other. Even her typing has gotten worse, if that can
possibly be, in the past year or so. These two are done when it comes to
sailing. They might as well give up even the pretense of it.

8) Then there's Dave the lawyer. He's never mentioned his boat and it's
apparent he doesn't own a boat nor does he ever sail a boat. He's just
another know-it-all lawyer who thinks he can bluff his way through the
newsgroup and nobody will challenge his lack of sailing credentials. His
only real accomplishment here has been smacking Capt. J.G. from one end of
Usenet to the other but, then again, is that really an accomplishment? Hell,
anybody can step on a maggot!

9) KCL Lewis the dreamer. Karin lives aboard so she's more of a sailor than
most but she's lost her nerve and doesn't sail anymore. She is the opposite
of Seahag, however. While Seahag enjoyed being a boat yard monkey, Karin
fancies herself a spic and span admiral of the seas. She's got this
self-image that makes her think she knows it all and people need to salute
her as she strolls by. She isn't any too bright because she lives aboard but
isn't bright enough to sail to milder climes so she suffers half the winter
in the cold when she could easily sail to where it's warm and enjoyable most
of the year. But, then again nobody ever said a Rawson 30 was anything but a
heavy and slow cruiser. Perhaps too much for even a manly-looking female to

10) Bob. What a pitiful character! Here's what he wrote recently: "I am
eager to start sweeping floors and scrubbing heads." What kind of a loser
has that disgusting prospect as a goal in life? You are no sailor unless and
until you sail, Bob. Doing janitor work on a work boat doesn't make you a
sailor. It makes you a common unskilled laborer - get a clue.

Wilbur Hubbard

For obvious reasons, my ultra-fast MacGregor 26 wasn't on the list,
despite the rantings of some sicko anti-Mac posters.