.. I have a 1986 Carver covered with factory decals,
stripes, letters, you name it. They have faded to gray. The local
detailers want almost $5,000 to remove them all. How the hell do I
get them off myself?

IF they are decals as you say:
1.Hairdryer (gently heat and they pull right off)
2. WD 40 to take off the residue (the only thing it's actually good for)


May I have 1/2 the $5 grand for that secret?