CalifBill wrote:
"Boater" wrote in message
...
CalifBill wrote:
"Boater" wrote in message
...
Palin Shoots, Field-Dresses Reindeer
by kwolfman
Thu Dec 25, 2008 at 10:59:19 PM PST

Caught up in post-election efforts to bolster her public image and set
the stage for a 2012 presidential run of her own, Alaska Governor Sarah
Palin forgot to pick up the family's Christmas turkey dinner from
Costco. So, like all hard-working hockey moms, she made the best of a
potentially bad situation.

Palin picked off one of Santa Claus's reindeer in mid-flight early
Thursday morning with her prized double barrel mahogany-handled shotgun,
as the jolly giver of gifts skirted the outskirts of midtown Wasilla in
his shiny red sleigh on the way to Anchorage. The reindeer in question,
later identified as Prancer, began bleeding profusely from its
midsection, and Santa was forced to cut it loose from the sleigh to
avoid a crash and allow the annual worldwide toy delivery to continue.
Prancer fell "at least 600 feet" through the air before slamming into
the frozen Alaskan tundra, whereupon he expired.

"I ain't never seen nothin' like it," said Todd Palin, who arrived at
the carcass ahead of his wife on a new racing-quality snowmobile. "I
mean, how many chicks you know can cap a doe at 200 yards in the dark?
That s*** was HOT. God, I love my wife. And I need a cold shower."

Mrs. Palin reached the dead reindeer a few minutes later on snowshoes,
and proceeded to skin it, remove its organs, cut its throat, and hang it
upside-down from a nearby tree to drain the blood. She and her husband
then dismembered the carcass, packed the various parts into two
full-size garbage bags, and carried it all back to their house.

The Governor emphasized that no part of Prancer's body would go to
waste.

"Well, you know, we're gonna barbecue the ribs and the front legs for
dinner later today," she said, "and we'll be throwin' the hindquarters
into the woods out back so the wolves have somethin' to eat too. We're
tryin' to fatten 'em up so they make bigger targets come aerial hunting
season." Mrs. Palin threw in one of her customary winks to add a dose
of levity to the situation.

When asked about the fate of Prancer's head, Mrs. Palin replied that she
is "thinkin' of usin' it for the mask on Trig's Halloween costume next
year. That little guy, he loves watching 'Rudolph' before bedtime."

Santa Claus managed to complete his circuit and make it back to the
North Pole without losing another reindeer, but expressed sadness at the
loss of Prancer while staying upbeat about the overall health of his
fleet.

"Obviously, we're all devastated here that Prancer's gone," Claus said
via cell phone interview. "But we finished up just fine with only seven
'deer, and we're confident that next year we'll get by again with seven
just fine. To be honest, old Prance'd been slipping a bit in recent
years. He was getting to be a liability. Maybe it's better this way."

A majority of the remaining reindeer openly wept when asked to describe
their feelings, but a few were noticeably ambivalent.

"Prancer was a loafer," spat Donner. "I was always having to pick up
his slack. He put on about fifty pounds this summer and never even
tried to work it off in time for the big flight. I was puffing like a
smoke stack 'till that b**** took his a** down. Palin 2012!"

Added Dancer, "Half the time we went up, Prancer was drunk. I mean
flat-out, balls-to-the-wall wasted. We tried an intervention a few
years back, but he just fled and hid in a snowbank for a month,
chain-smoking and swigging whiskey by the bottle with some ****ed-off
union elves who were on strike."

After dinner, Mrs. Palin was asked if she planned to hunt and cook any
more of Santa's reindeer for Christmas in the years to come.

"Oh, this one was mighty tasty, so you betcha!"
"How many?"
"Um ... all of 'em!"

- - -


:{

Why santa bypassed your house? Got rid of the semi bad people and did
not even drop off a lump of coal?
It's only 9:30 am in California and already you've had too much spiked
eggnog?

Try again, Bilious, only this time, use standard English.




Don't judge others drinking by yours.




Yeah, Bilious, I don't. I bought a 12-pack of beer just before summer
started and I noticed in my refrigerator I still have nine left.