NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.


CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.


BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.


BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when
the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no
sex.


VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and
selling lower.


P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.


BROKER -- What my broker has made me.


STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.


STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded
your stock.


STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her
lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.


FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has
been disconnected.


MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy
stocks.


CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as
it disappears down the toilet.


YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to
some poor sucker for $240 per share.


WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're
the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.


INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor
who's now locked up in a nuthouse.


PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.