Retail Sector Soars on News that Palin Seeks New Outfit

Guv's Shopping Gives Economy Much-needed Jolt

Offering a sharp contrast to the general gloom on Wall Street today,
retail stocks soared on the news that Gov. Sarah Palin (R-Alaska) plans
to buy a new outfit for Election Night.

Major retailers had been plummeting all day but staged a stunning
comeback when Gov. Palin told a reporter in Ohio, "Election Night is
just eleven days away and I have nothing to wear."

Gov. Palin said that a new dress for Election Night could cost as much
as $20,000, "and that's before you accessorize."

Major department stores such as Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue
rebounded dramatically on the news of Gov. Palin's plans, with some
industry analysts predicting that Gov. Palin's shopping could bail out
the entire retail sector in the fourth quarter.

"Right now, the only part of the economy that's strong is Sarah Palin's
shopping," said Tracy Klugian of Morgan Stanley. "She is a one-woman
stimulus package."


From Andy Borowitz