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Larry Larry is offline
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First recorded activity by BoatBanter: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,275
Default Skippy Sycophants

Justin C wrote in
:

Unfortunately the only crew places I find are
racing, which, though enjoyable, are not the type of sailing I really
want to be doing. I read this newsgroup to learn from those who have
done it, are doing it, or have other interesting facts to pass on.


Justin, you've been hanging out in the wrong places!

I've been sailing on some really neat boats for 20 years and have never
owned any of them. Any boat owner is always in DIRE need of HELP to do
all kinds of things to his boat, some as simple as handing him his
tools! It says you're by the sea so you're, obviously, already in prime
country. Now all you need to do is to start hanging out around the
docks on Saturday morning after they've had their breakfast and watch
for that guy carrying stuff down the dock who isn't all ****ed off at
the world.

Ok, you see someone working on something YOU know something about, make
a nice comment about his boat and ask him what's ruining his Saturday he
could be out sailing from. Befriend him. If his demeanor or attitude
turns you off, say a pleasant goodbye and head down the dock...nothing
lost. If he seems to enjoy at least your company while he's pulling the
damned valve out of the plugged head, you've already started the
befriending process. Your mere being on the dock in WORK CLOTHES you're
not afraid to get diesel fuel on...or worse...shows your interest in
boats. A sharp boater EASILY recognizes a potential VICTIM he can
hoodwink into helping him get the damned head working, again. ANY of
his NASTY jobs is PRIME TERRITORY for you to wheedle your way aboard and
make a friend for life! Don't be afraid to mention your best skills in
passing conversations. I'm an electronic technician with electrical and
diesel skills, all 3 of which are like GOLD on that dock. The cleanest
boat you see is an electrical disaster area unless you see full time,
paid crew pouring over it in crisp uniforms. Those bankers, doctors,
lawyers, real estate tycoons and the president of the local Chamber of
Commerce OWN the boat, but have to pay through the NOSE to get someone
to fix anything, even the simplest faucets. NOTHING is scarier than a
lawyer with a 7 figure income holding his neat little plastic tool
box...staring into the engine compartment, scowling.....(c;

I'm nearing the end of my sailing days because of failing knees and the
reality that I don't really belong at sea any more because I get winded
walking to the mailbox. But, not having spent a small fortune on boats,
I've had a lot of fun working on other people's boats. I still help out
and take the occasional daysail with friends. A non-drinker, they
usually like to take me along so SOMEONE can be "captain" and sober for
the Coastie inspection. I didn't come along to drink his booze....I
CAME TO SAIL HIS BOAT!...(c;

These old curmudgeons are never going to get you aboard a nice cruising
sailboat headed out of the harbor on usenet. You need to position
yourself at the dock, about 9ish on Saturdays so they get to know you.
Once a trusted presence, you won't have any trouble finding boats to
play with and sail on....or power yachts, either. I used to have the
run of a Hatteras 56 FBMY that belonged to a local medical researcher.
He doesn't have the boat any more, but we're still great friends. After
they sold the boat, his wife told the two of us she was going to buy us
a Detroit Diesel V-8 on a stand for their garage so we'd have something
to keep us busy on weekends....(c; I spent many weekends in the Hat's
bilge fixing all kinds of stuff....when I wasn't going somewhere with
them as phony captain or crew. (I always tell people I'm "3rd Mate -
Engineering and not to blame for it being aground". That's the
captain's job.)

================================================== ================

OK, now what do you do for a living? Can you fix:
Plumbing?
Electrical?
Air Conditioning and refridgeration?
Diesel Engines and transmissions?
Electronics (RADAR, SONAR, GPS, VHF radios, antennas, cables)?
Are you a woodworker?!! Man, they LOVE woodworkers!
You say you're "inexperienced" so I assume you're not a salty sailor.
That doesn't make a lot of difference. Everyone ELSE aboard is a salty
sailor, or tries to look like they are. The boat's overrun with sailing
experts, none of which wants to know anything about why the holding tank
leaks or how to fix it.

The plan is simple....HE has the boat you want to sail on and is quite
willing to let you crew-for-nothing IN EXCHANGE for your particular
skills HE needs, quite badly, to keep us from sailing in the dark
without an engine that runs or a head that flushes. If you can be a
part of that plan, you won't get to sail on his boat. You'll get to
sail on EVERYBODY'S boat!...(c;

One more word, just in case you get the head working before the tide
starts ripping and he offers to take you for a little spin. DON'T ACT
LIKE ONE OF HIS GUESTS. You'll see his guests in action soon enough.
They come aboard, usually with some food or booze to share. Some of
them are good sailors and work very hard to sail the boat as "important
crew", not the galley slaves he really needs. Then, as SOON as the boat
bumps the dock and the first two lines are secure....before even the
power has been plugged in, they are collecting their stuff and heading
for the parking lot....GUESTS on this little harbor cruise, leaving him
with dirty dishes, spilled booze, dirty decks and half-assed stowed
sails in need of C-L-E-A-N-I-N-G everywhere.

If you REALLY want to secure your position and get asked to go almost
every time he's not courting some horny honey....HELP PICK UP, CLEAN UP
AND STOW HIS BOAT nicely upon return....not run off to the party. I
don't leave any boat who's taken me sailing, fed and watered me all day,
UNTIL THE BOAT IS NEAT AND CLEANED to HIS satisfaction....just as if it
were MY boat....which 4 of them became in later years.

"Larry, can you get the boat from the yard, load up the fridge and beer
cooler so WE can go sailing with some of my clients on Saturday morning
about 10?", he'll ask me....(c; "This isn't that trick where you try to
get me to pay the yard bill, again, is it?", I'll ask jokingly....(c;

It's all sitting there at the dock when they all arrive, lines singled
up and the diesel warmed just as if he were CEO of Micro$oft bringing
Warren Buffett aboard for a harbor cruise.....like the big ships on the
face dock. If it sounds important, I even swap my "uniform" (jeans/t-
shirt/sneakers) for something nicer and more socially acceptable.

Man, these nice folks have great boats to play with and YOU don't have
to spend a dime if you're useful!....(c;