On Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:14:43 -0400, "D.Duck" wrote:


"Eisboch" wrote in message
...

"Calif Bill" wrote in message
m...


Just because you have a Phd does not mean you get lifetime employment.
Well except at a University.


Most PhD's that I know should have never left the University.

(whoops .... hope ShortWave isn't lurking)

Eisboch

Isn't PhD, Piled Higher and Deeper?

There is a little secret which I will share with you and only you.

It's called "quote early and quote often".

First, you look through the papers of the review committee's, and the
chairman's, papers, books, dissertations and monographs for anything
that even remotely touches on the subject matter for your thesis. And
by remotely, I mean even if you have to make it up remotely.

Then, in your introduction, you make sure you thank, with foot notes
to papers, books, dissertations and monographs (including the chairman
of your department if he isn't serving on the committee) for
clarifying, elucidating and in general assisting you in the
preparation of your thesis and dissertation.

In the body of the dissertation, footnote the hell out of it only make
sure you quote one of the review committee members - the rest must be
real books, papers, dissertations and monographs but if doesn't matter
as long as you use something from everybody on the committee. Make one
page entirely for footnotes for the preceding page and do that every
ten or so pages following the above procedure.

Use graphs, obscure types of data sets and lots and lots of color -
distracts from the fact that most of what you are writing is pure page
filler. If it's not a hard science paper, then use flow charts and
pictographs.

In concluding, make it really short and simple with plenty of praise
for the pioneering back ground work, blah, blah, blah.

And that's how you write a successful dissertation. :)

Why, you might ask, does it work? Pretty simple actually - the morons
on the committee will only look for their due credit and will look
through the bibliography and footnote annotation for references to
their work. They can't very well discredit their own achievement can
they? :)

And before you ask, no - I did not.