When Bob wanted to buy a boat, we took a trip to the Virgin Islands on
a crewed charter first. When he did buy the boat, I took some lessons
by myself. So I agree with that advice. She doesn't need your bad
attitude towards her - it isn't helping her learn.

Second, I find that I cannot steer with a tiller. I do OK with a
wheel, but I just can't do a tiller. And if I try with the tiller,
then there's a period that I can't do it with the wheel either. So I
refuse to use a tiller. Bob thinks that I'm crazy, but that's what
works for me. And if he wants me on the boat taking a turn at the
helm, it has to be a wheel and even then it takes concentrated thought
on my part (especially with a wind on the aft quarter) to know which
way to turn to keep the wind in the proper alignment. We do have
hydraulic steering and I know all you purists are going to say that
there's less feel. But that's immaterial - it doesn't do me any good
to feel pressure if I don't know which way to steer when it changes..
I am directionally challenged in a lot of respects. I also have a
problem backing a car, and telling my right from my left (the OTHER
right). So maybe that is your wife's problem.

Also, it does not sound as though either of you is giving the boat
your full attention when your children and a friend are along. If
she is arguing with you she's not paying attention to the boat. So if
you want her to pay attention to the boat - don't argue with her and
distract her. She might do perfectly well if she was alone on the
boat or with someone more supportive.

wrote:

A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody
takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure
on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so.
Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin,
I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is
looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on
course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going
downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330
degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls
are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to
make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way
so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids
clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly,
the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy
doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe
nearly knocking me into the water.
I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat.
So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she
kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is
simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost
everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost
track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various
knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.