Gay Tiger Attacks Huckabee
Animal ‘Taunted’ By Bestiality Remarks

After making remarks in which he directly equated homosexuality with
bestiality, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee was attacked at the
San Francisco Zoo by a gay tiger.

Mr. Huckabee had scheduled a campaign stop at the zoo where he made his
controversial remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing
that he was standing within earshot of a Bengal tiger with a homosexual
lifestyle.

According to onlooker Tracy Klujian, 27, “The way that tiger started
growling during the speech, you could tell that it felt like it was
being taunted.”

As Mr. Huckabee’s remarks about homosexuality and bestiality reached
their crescendo, the irate tiger leaped over an eighteen-foot barrier
and began mauling the presidential candidate.

Within minutes, police responding to a 911 call rushed to the scene,
where they fired tranquilizer darts at both the tiger and Mr. Huckabee,
who had continued to make his offensive remarks throughout the mauling.

According to one aide, the unfortunate tiger attack incident had done
nothing to change Mr. Huckabee’s position on gay marriage: “Not only
that, but now he’s opposed to tigers marrying other tigers.”

In other campaign news, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney used a
speech in South Carolina to tout his life experience, including his
stint as a generic white male Clipart illustration.

And in Florida, former Tennessee senator Fred Thompson picked up the
endorsement of the National Association of Jowly Grouches.

Mr. Thompson promised the Grouches that if elected, he would tell those
damn kids to get off their lawn.

Elsewhere, frustrated by persistent questions about steroid use, pitcher
Roger Clemens through a car at a reporter.

- Andy Borowitz (of course...!!!)